Nail Your First Participation in a French Family Dinner
You will do so well that you will even be invited again
That’s okay to be stressed.
Your sweetheart invited you to a family dinner. This is a big moment. You want to show the best version of yourself.
But they are French.
And your best friend kindly warned you.
French people are psychopaths. They have dinner for HOURS. They will NEVER let you leave the table!
So now you are wondering if this is a good idea. You are considering pretending to suffer a chronic Covid or to be allergic to food.
No need to go to such lengths. All you have to do is to follow my instructions.
French people are actually normal people.
So no need to go there with a beret and a loaf of bread. They might wonder if you are making fun of them.
Just wear casual clothes.
You can bring flowers and a bottle of wine to make a good impression. The choice of wine depends on the food. White wine is for fish or poultry, red wine is for red meat. Rosé is for barbecue or salad.
That’s how you’ll be able to access the lounge for the icebreaker.
It all starts with the aperitif.
You’ll be offered a glass of whatever drink you choose, along with some appetizers.
You get to know each other more. It’s an introduction, so avoid at all costs cleaving topics such as religion or politics. It is not a good idea either to ask whether French grammar is so complex because it’s been created by a bunch of sadists or because of a lost bet.
You want to show that you are cultured. Tell them how you love that the Statue of Liberty was actually built by French artist Bartholdi and was assembled for the first time in the middle of Paris. That will make them smile.
Now that you’ve talked a little and drank, it’s time to move on to the next step.
The dinner starts.
Don’t be surprised if there are several knives and forks. They are intended for successive courses. Simply take the cutlery furthest from the plate.
There is a reason why French dinners last hours. It can’t the prayer at the start of the dinner. There is no prayer, except maybe for very traditional families.
French dinners last hours because there are many courses punctuated with lots of discussions.
You will go through the starter, main course and dessert. There will often be an assortment of cheeses with some salad between the main course and dessert.
This might surprise you, but now is not the time to show off your expertise. Don’t say:
This wine is rather good. Did I tell you about that time I bought a Chinese red wine? It was amazing! And for less than a euro! A must-try.
or:
Thank you, but I prefer American cheese. It’s less smelly, you see… more sophisticated!
Unless you want them to defenestrate you of course.
French people are normal people but don’t provoke them.
On the other hand, you shouldn’t be too ecstatic either. Don’t give an emotional speech with teary eyes and a trembling voice and don’t tell them how you’ll never be the same after tasting such a sweet, tender potato.
Otherwise your partner’s father might suddenly want to have a private chat with them in the kitchen. The father will ask which asylum they found you in, and he will insist that you remind him of Dexter and that you are a serial killer for sure.
Whether you are a serial killer or not, you do not want that.
If you managed not to be defenestrated and not to look like a serial killer, then it’s time for the next step.
At least, dessert!
By then, you should be entirely filled. But French desserts are so good that you’ll find a place in your stomach for them.
With so much food, your stomach will require an incredible amount of energy. You’ll want to sleep.
Lucky you, dessert is followed by coffee. Say you want one! The caffeine dose should help you get through the digestive process without collapsing in your chair.
You did it!
Congratulations! And good luck at the next family dinner. Because you did so well, they’ll invite you back!
Thanks to TzeLin Sam: she asked a question in a comment on one of my previous posts, and it gave me the idea for this one.
Also, I highly recommend this publication:
