That Person Unnerves Me and It Makes Me Stupid
How do you stay rational when emotions come into play?
Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you that I like Donald Trump now. It makes me stupid but I have my limits. It’s not about Donald.
It’s about that one person. I’ve always known her.
And always she has been able to upset me.
I’ve reached a point where I filter her words no matter what she says. Call it a defense mechanism, call it exasperation, call it a lack of empathy. It doesn’t make any difference. I never listen to her.
The problem is that even a broken clock displays the correct time twice a day.
This is something I realized very late. I never try to see a situation from her point of view. I never consider that she could be right.
In other words, I’m the stupid one.
It’s always the same person.
Nobody else.
We never had the same values. And I’m not talking about liking white or black chocolate.
We disagree on every possible topic: Covid, vaccines, LGBT people, Ukraine and Russia, US politics, climate crisis, and so on.
We can’t even agree on movies or music. There’s not much room left for a heartfelt discussion.
There are moments when we manage to talk without fighting. At times like these, I feel like we deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.
But if the discussion touches on a serious subject, then I feel rage overcome me. For a long time now, I’ve been even more angry with her for putting me in such a state.
I didn’t see the obvious.
I am responsible for giving in to my anger.
The fact that it’s so easy for her to make me angry tells a lot about myself.
I’m not as rational as I’d like to be. You might wonder why I don’t just decide to silence my emotions and listen to my logic.
It’s not so easy. My mind is no match for my feelings during those moments.
It’s like setting up a duel between Bran Stark and the Mountain. You know who you want to win, but you put your money on the other.
My mind is like a little Bran Stark getting crushed by the Mountain. If you watched Game of Thrones and especially this fight against Oberyn Martell, then you can easily picture the outcome.
No, it’s not pretty. I’m not proud.
There must be a way for Bran to win the game.
Only I can improve my self control.
Self control is supposed to be about yourself, right?
It’s paradoxical, but I need to open up more to others to better control myself. This is how empathy works.
I lost a lot of my empathy for that person a long time ago. I guess I have to get it back.
I probably still won’t agree with her after seeing the world through her eyes. But maybe I’ll understand why she acts that way.
Understanding is the first step towards acceptance.
I spent years rebelling against her views without realizing that they didn’t have to be mine. I can acknowledge her opinions or her behavior, while remaining true to myself.
This is me: a full-grown adult who has to grow up. Who has to face the truth. Deep down, I’m still that shy little girl who was so distressed when older people insisted that she was wrong and too young to understand.
I still have old, untreated wounds.
That’s why she can get under my skin so easily. Learning to disagree without feeling weak or pressured will be a huge step forward for me.
But it’s worth it. I’d love to watch Bran Stark kick the Mountain’s ass. Who wouldn’t want to see that!
Agreed, there is a long way to go before little Bran gets as strong as that brute.
But once it’s done, maybe I’ll be able to say that I really did take her opinion into account. Perhaps I’ll be able to say that it wasn’t out of sheer stupidity that I chose to reject it.
Because, really, being as smart as the Mountain is not something to brag about!
