The Care and Feeding of Introverts
We love you extroverts, but help us help you
The SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) online newsletter I received today tells me it is World Introvert Day.
Wait! My people have a Day!?
It goes on to tell these HR professionals “Since introverts make up one-third to half of the population, companies need to better understand them as employees and foster an environment that helps them be most productive.”
Yes, companies do need to do better. And the education system. This is yet another kind of diversity we can appreciate out there in the world. Not everyone receives diversity training, so for today I’ll be your guide to understanding introverts a bit more.
If your interest is piqued, there is an entire book that delves deeper and I gladly recommend it. Susan Cain’s Quiet is both an affirmative balm for the introvert and an educational eye-opener for everyone.
But, let’s do talk about work, which I happily left behind a couple of years ago. Do you know what an introvert needs at work?
A door. I found this out when I lost mine.
After many years leading a team from an office, I took a consulting job and my desk was located in a cubicle farm on my in-office days. There I was with no door to close when I needed to hunker down and get some serious thinking done.
The extroverts loved it. Lots of pop ins, talking to colleagues over walls, reconnecting after days out and about. I loved about 15 minutes of that apart from lunch.
But it wasn’t 15 minutes. It was incessant. And I had no control.
Introversion runs on a scale. I’m on the end of the scale that allows me to be outgoing and flex to extroversion in social situations. My new co-workers had no idea that I was struggling until I had enough good will credits in the bank with them to pipe up and tell them.
And those of you who manage a team, please pay attention. If your preferred management style is the pop in, managing by walking around, informal hello style…well good for you for being out there. But, also know that you probably have some people on your team that would really prefer for you to schedule a visit. Or at the very least, say “Will you please let me know when you’re free for a minute?”
Introverts can be confusing to an extroverted boss. We are usually quiet, we don’t always express ready enthusiasm at your ideas, and we don’t enjoy being asked what we think unless we’ve actually had time to think. We prefer not to give you our gut level answers and bounce around quick snippets with you as you figure it out by talking it out.
We want to figure it all out in our head. Alone. Afterward we’ll give you a beautifully crafted answer. We always feel off kilter and pressured when we are required to share our thoughts before we are ready.
I had an extroverted boss tell me that I confused him. He didn’t know what I was thinking and he couldn’t read me well. It wasn’t new feedback. People I managed at a previous job told me this, too. I really appreciated them telling me because I then knew they needed something different from me. Feedback is a gift if you treat it as one.
While the world can try to understand introverts more fully and appreciate them, we can also meet them halfway. I could help.
In my new self-awareness mode, I began telling people what I was thinking about when I went quiet. I’d say things like “Wow, I really like that idea and you are making me think about how we could apply that to this other part of the business, too.” or “I like that, and I’m thinking about whether there are any trap doors we need to beware of before we implement it.”
When I did this, they understood there were many wheels turning inside my mind and they and their ideas were accepted. I didn’t have to give a final answer about what I had concluded, only that I was with them, present, and helping to move things forward. It was much better than trying to read my emotionless thinking face.
This approach was especially useful when I stepped into a consulting role. I became known as a good thought partner. That is a double edged sword sword because I then had more people stopping by to brainstorm with me.
Introverts get energy from being able to withdraw and think. They love people, but just in smaller doses. Extroverts are often energized by people, and the more of them the better. The sweet spot is figuring out how they can both get their needs met, but it takes each being honest in expressing what they need from the other to help them to be successful.
The key for anyone, whether they are introverted or extroverted is managing their energy. Knowing what steals your energy and what feeds it is essential for us to thrive at both our work and home lives. These questions are ones every boss should ask of their team members:
What steals your energy at work? And how can we prevent that?
What makes you feel most alive and energetic at work? And how can we protect and promote that?
We are all responsible for asking ourselves these same questions. Just delete the two words “at work” and you’ll see where you may need to make some adjustments in your own care and feeding.
