The worst kind of writer
I guess, like so many others, I was a reader before a writer. In primary school, I started to borrow books from the library so my older sister, who was entering university, could read them.
I would read on the bus on my way home and read after homework. Borrowed books had to be returned in 3–5 days, so when my sister was done, I would go to the library to finish up novels I hadn’t during break times.
I never actually placed pen on paper for a long time after writing became an interest to me. For quite some time, I had stories in my head. Some stories were rewrites or fan fiction of movies I had watched, or repetitions of romantic moments in films I wanted to last longer, some were fantasies about people I liked and many of these stories didn’t involve me at all. And for some hours in the day, or before I go to sleep, I would lie in bed and progress each story to a certain point.
When I got to secondary school I started to write, stories about foreign lands and white people I had never met, it became a way to help insomnia and by the time I was in my 3rd year and by my fourth year I would let two people indulge in them.
Reading African literature brought me a step closer to finding an identity, but I soon realised I never could keep interest enough to write in long form. I attempted to join a writing group in university, so I found short stories. But real life began to interfere with my imagination, so I found poetry.
What the prompt actually asks is what is it that makes you a writer?
For me, I suppose it's the part of me that wants to take a feeling, a moment, a thought or an idea and express it, analyse it, expand on it, create a discussion around it. I think every other thing skillwise is built upon that.
I don’t imagine a writer viewing the world through the average lens. There must be a deeper sense of engagement and analysis which can be expanded upon for the readers' enjoyment.
It is very much a creative process as any art or music, and there is a beauty that comes in organising words in your head in a comprehensible manner. And when your work is done, to marvel at what your mind was able to create.
On the days when I dare to call myself one, I have always considered myself the worst kind of writer. The type that is unable to write something which is not deeply personal. And It seems I have a strong affinity to negative emotions.
This realisation shows me that asides from my lack of technical skill and training, I might never get to be an author.
I live in a country where I can make no money from writing on medium, and I’m pursuing a career in a different field, still something compels me to keep writing when I can find the time. I think it's the ‘worst kind of writer’ in me, reminding me she hasn't died yet, and she still a part of me.
It’s a part of me I never want to lose regardless
prompt by Ruby Noir 😈on read or die (hopefully I can tag you properly sometime)
