All is Well, I Do Not Believe…
All is well! This is the answer you give to those who ask you — what do you do? what happened to you?, with a pale smile on your face, with which you cannot fool anyone, not even yourself.
You pass carelessly, rather you crawl through the crowd, on your way to work when you inadvertently see your reflection in the windows of a store.
You look left, right, and nobody, and you get scared because you don’t identify with that reflection. You analyze yourself from head to toe, you are horrified by what you see and all you have to do is ask yourself what happened to you, how did you end up in this situation?
How from a man surrounded by beautiful people, always with a busy schedule, going out, instilling positive energy in others, you turned overnight, against your will, into a “ghost” that haunts the world.
Tousled hair, wrinkles, injected eyes, clothes unironed and hanging on a body that lately exudes only pain and the smell of alcohol. You look at your phone, a pile of missed messages and calls, worried family and friends.
I don’t understand why you don’t answer, why you avoid them, why you didn’t show up for the scheduled trip, your cousin’s day, the gym and other things, which you didn’t miss even when you had a bad cold or were very busy.
You get to the office, sit down, and breathe heavily, you momentarily remember that you used to climb the stairs briskly, but now you use the elevator. If before you started your day with jokes told to your colleagues and cheered up the atmosphere in the whole room, now silence dominates.
You do your job with difficulty, you don’t catch on as quickly as before when a contract needs to be resolved. You go home, stealthily, lest you run into someone you know on the street. You get home and lie down. You are lost in thoughts as if a black cloud is constantly above you and absorbs all your energy, vitality, and zest for life.
The girlfriend you used to adore calls you, before in a “z” time because you don’t understand when the transformation started and why. You don’t answer him because you have nothing left to say, even though you want to.
On the table, there is your favorite snickers bar, started a few days ago and which you used to devour instantly, some untouched books that you ordered with such enthusiasm and desire to read them in your heart, the laptop with your favorite TV series that you don’t know when you touched.
You go to bed and can’t sleep, the feeling of inner emptiness suffocates you, confusion kills your sleep, you no longer know who you are and if you still want something from life. You close your eyes and all you want is to put an end to this nightmare from which you can no longer wake up.
In the morning, getting out of bed seems as difficult as an extreme sport, you hardly gather yourself to stand. It’s like you miss the weekends when you used to go with friends to the pool, to the cabin, to a barbecue, although now you prefer to turn off your phone, look out the window, get lost in the clouds, and have sober thoughts.
Today is the time to open your laptop, to inform yourself, to find out the answer to the question — what turned you into your shadow? , it is called depression, that you are not the only one who has gone through or is going through it, that there are people who understand perfectly what you feel, and that there is a cure.
Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and a psychologist as soon as possible, in order to resume your life, because without specialist help, depression does not simply disappear like that.
You deserve to enjoy life, the people around you, who in turn suffer seeing how you alienate yourself from them and yourself.
You deserve to wake up with a zest for life, to be efficient during the day and to fall asleep peacefully at night.
