Be Careful With the Word “Them”
I think as bloggers, we need to ask ourselves, “How do we write our articles so that they invite insightful, rewarding responses?” One way of doing this is by not dehumanizing anybody. Most people on the Internet, I’ve found, aren’t ready to contribute to discussions until they are treated with the respect they need.
Brené Brown wrote this excellent blog post about language and its way of shaping the way we view the world and communicate. Depending on how we phrase our posts, they can be either humanizing or dehumanizing.
What the article really shows is that if you use humanizing language, you can easily solve the communication problems that toxify other online discussions, especially when your posts are the first in the discussion. Anybody can make significant improvements to Internet communities if they know what to do.
I have an example of a dehumanizing tactic that was not mentioned in Brown’s article: the misuse of “they/them.” When one of those words is used in place of “someone” or “one/some/all/any of them,” the sentence loses its ability to describe existing facts. Instead, it creates or contributes to a new “enemy image” for readers to imagine. In the process, it adds unnecessary conflict instead of helping to inspire positive social change.
Of course, enemies exist in the real world. The problem is that the misuse of “they/them” doesn’t point out who the enemies are. Who is “they?” We don’t know.
Sometimes we can’t pinpoint the real-world individuals who are enemies, but in these cases, we can trace the enemies to the group they belong in and use “one of them,” “some of them,” or “someone.” Or if the entire group is the enemy, then we use “all of them” or “any of them.”
On the other hand, “they/them” doesn’t suggest anyone at all. The only conclusion we can make from “they/them” is “whoever you want.”
The misusage of “they/them” is a successful tactic to gain power over people. I think this is because it appeals to prejudice. It allows any writer to suggest “any/all of them” without actually saying that. The use of “any/all of them” runs the risk of a commenter pointing out an exception to the author’s point and proving them wrong. “They/them,” on the other hand, protects the author from the accountability of humanizing the people they write about.
It can also be used to keep people distracted from noticing problems in society. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Russian or Chinese government uses this strategy to help plan their invasions in secret. Don’t be radicalized by fake “enemy images” when there are real enemies to watch out for!
All this information on “they/them” is especially important for authors who are starting new discussion threads. This is because you don’t need to convince anybody to avoid the “they/them” perspective if you approach the discussion that way from the very beginning. You have a greater chance of failure if you rehumanize a dehumanizing discussion already in progress, as the people in the discussion may have already decided to approach the issue from a dehumanizing angle.
By not misusing “they/them,” you can make it so nobody in the discussion feels left out. And when your commenters feel that they belong, they feel comfortable to share their views in a respectful way. Killing the toxic behavior on social media will be so easy, it will feel like it was never a problem in the first place.
