Don’t Give Advice That Nobody Asked. Do This Instead.
A subtle conversation killer that you might not be aware
In the past 10 days, I’ve heard from three people whose actions didn’t match up with their own.
Person A: “It’s a great time to buy cryptocurrency and stocks!” — He didn’t buy any himself because it was too risky.
Person B: “You should get married soon; it’s important.” — He cheated on his spouse.
Person C: “Working in Sector A is way better than Sector B.” — He worked in Sector A his whole life.
What?
It’s strange, isn’t it? People can sound sure about their opinions that they don’t follow. Now I question my own actions and discover a world of hypocrisy in my own words as well.
Why Opinions Dominate Our Conversations
We all love to be part of a chat, right? Throwing in our own side of the story.
Everyone came into the conversation with different lenses, and we believe our lenses are the right ones. There is no wrong one. Everyone is equally right.
It’s hard to accept, especially when someone shows us a part of the truth that we don’t get.
There was a story called “The Blind Men and the Elephant.” Each blind man feels only a part of the elephant body. Tusk..Foot..Tails.. They started to describe the elephant to one another, thinking that they were right.
Letting go of what we always thought was true to understand these new views brings us closer to the truth.
Navigating to the truth helps us figure out why we have certain biases. Are our ideas really ours, or are they just something we picked up and never questioned? When we look inside and really think about our thoughts, we might find surprises. With this iterative thinking, we patch a flaw in our logic and become a step closer to greatness.
Filling silence with opinion
I used to rush in and fill the silence in conversations with questions. Questions that led to unsolicited advice. I believe it will benefit my friends. Only realizing that I am eager to offer solutions was met with either a polite nod or a change of topic. These subtle signals that took me years to notice were a hint. I looked arrogant, like the blind man telling another blind man what the elephant looks like.
These actions implied that my friends can’t handle their own situations and that I know better. Sometimes a strong voice is all they need. It was a realization that shifted my approach to conversations — to be present and listen, asking questions that led them to their own solutions.
Personalised questions
I was watching this YouTube video of a guy getting impressed when he was conversing with an AI. The AI was able to remember the conversation they had as they kept talking. He was surprised and had such a good time talking, even with an AI. The AI making jokes and giving honest answers throughout the conversation makes me feel enchanted. I’m stepping into a future where lines between human and machine conversations blurred.
An AI that can hold a better conversation than me.
How many times do we have to repeat ourselves when someone asks about a situation that we mentioned before?
This is called conversation trending.
Someone connects something you said before with what you’re saying now. Suddenly, the talk gets more interesting. This shows they’re really listening, making you feel like you’re the most important person in the room.
That’s the magic of conversation. When someone links your past words with the present, it adds sparkle to the chat. It tells you they’re not just hearing but listening with their hearts. It’s a lot better than those ‘How’s the weather?’ Those are like serving plain bread for dinner — no effort, no flavor. But linking parts of the conversation? That’s like adding a secret sauce that makes everything better. It makes everyone feel special and heard.
