How I Got Myself to Stop Complaining and Take Action
Don’t Complain If You’re Not Willing to Change Things
In North America, we have a culture of chronically complaining about everything from the weather to the car we drive, waiting a few extra minutes in line, not getting our Amazon Prime delivery on the same day and many other nonsensical things. #FirstWorldProblems
I’m guilty of doing all of the above. I realized when you live a comfortable existence that 80% of the world’s population can only dream of, it’s easy to take things for granted. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day details of your privileged life while forgetting how convenient modern-day Western life is and how things have never been easier.
It’s easy to become victims of our success. It’s easy to become complacent and blame the system at every turn. When we should remind ourselves that surviving a global pandemic and getting to live through these historical, unprecedented times is a miracle. So many people’s lives were cut short tragically. So much potential that was never realized….
Now that we have Western privilege out of the way, let’s get right to the point. No matter how rich, beautiful, or smart you are, at some point, you’ll have to deal with the curveballs that life throws your way. This blog is NOT a prescription by any means but my humble attempt to share how I approach challenging life situations.
When faced with a difficult situation, there are only 2 fundamental options.
Option 1 is to change your attitude, expectations, or actions. This is done by auditing yourself ruthlessly and holding yourself accountable to a higher standard. Get resourceful and find alternative ways to fulfill your needs.
A very hard thing to do since it requires radical honesty and discomfort. But still easier than trying to change someone else.
That’s not to say you should give up on other people or not rely on them. But important to remember that you can teach, share, and influence others all you want but you cannot change them. Only they can change themselves if they take the initiative and act.
You cannot do their work for them. You cannot walk their path in life on their behalf. You cannot force a connection. You cannot force an outcome.
As the proverb goes — “You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make the horse drink the water.”
Expecting other people to change is like beating a dead horse. It’s not constructive. It’s a futile effort. A better solution is to change yourself. When you change yourself, perhaps the world will start changing too.
Otherwise, you run the risk of your life being caught in a repetitive loop like a broken tape recorder. The same patterns show up again and again. In different forms maybe but at the core, it’s the same issue that keeps recurring until you resolve it. Each time you expect things to be different. But that’s delusional if you haven’t changed your actions.
Option 2 is to simply walk away from the person or situation that is no longer serving you. Again requires a good dose of honesty and bravery.
A dear friend of mine once said don’t be afraid to lose other people.
I’m not saying to become a cold-hearted manipulative person. I’m saying make yourself the anchor. Instead of letting other people determine your worth and emotional state. No one should have that much power over you.
The most important opinion? It comes from within.
The most important relationship? The one you have with yourself.
The most important indicator of ‘success’? Your quality of life.
Who defines this? You have the power to set the standards that will define what success looks like to you.
But with power comes responsibility. The responsibility to rise to meet those standards. The responsibility to keep your word and show up, especially when you don’t feel like it. The responsibility to enforce those standards when your boundaries are violated.
That could mean walking away from places where you’re not treated for what you’re worth. You decide. But make sure you act. Don’t complain.
A useful framework I’ve found to stop complaining is to visualize what’s in my control vs what’s out of my control.
A cheat code to navigate a chaotic world while maintaining my sanity is to maximize my responsibility in areas under my control while not giving a damn about stuff that’s outside my control.
Full disclosure- I still complain sometimes. I rant about how unfair society can be sometimes. It’s human after all to get down and let your feelings out. But I give myself a timeout. I can complain for X minutes but not a minute more. Eventually, I get sick of my victimhood mentality so much so that it forces me to start thinking ‘do I have the power to fix this issue?’ and if so, what are practical things I can do to address this issue?
In other words, train your brain to look for solutions. Train yourself to get a dopamine hit every time you learn something new. Challenge yourself to solve messy, hard problems.
With the sorry state of the world, it’s easy to get down. But don’t give in to the disillusionment. There is always a way out. There is always a choice to make things better for yourself. When you get better, the world around you will inevitably improve too.
Onwards and upwards!
