‘It’s Better to Say Too Much Than Never to Say What You Need to Say’
Time to unleash the unspoken.
As you read the title, some of you may be familiar with the line, as it is taken from my all-time favorite John Mayer song, ‘Say.’ The more I read the lyrics, the more I realize how deeply I relate to this song. It has made me ponder: How many words have I left unspoken in my twenty years of living?
To better understand myself, I decided to explore the reasons behind my tendency to hold back. I believe it’s crucial to be mindful of our inner workings and to delve deep into the roots of our behaviors. So, that’s precisely what I did. Here are the main reasons why I think I am holding my words captive — reasons that may resonate with you too — presented in the acronym of the word ‘UNLEASH’.
Unreliable Companions
Have you ever been in a deep relationship with someone that made you feel so comfortable around them? I have too, although it didn’t continue until today. As someone who often feels anxious when alone, having a loyal companion really helps. But when that significant person shows inconsistency, perhaps by neglecting a promise, it increases the amount of trust issues, leading us to point number three. Having this unreliable companion will create a fear of opening up and raise questions like, ‘What if I say this to them, and they decide to leave?’
Never-ending Hate
I particularly enjoy when people share their thoughts and opinions about something. It allows me to gain different perspectives and broaden my understanding. However, imagine being laughed at for expressing your own opinion. It can be daunting and will raise questions like, ‘What if someone ridicules my viewpoint?’ It can make us hesitant to communicate our thoughts openly, fearing judgment or rejection.
Loss of Trust
Just as I wrote about having unreliable companions, losing trust can lead to avoiding opening up to them. Imagine sharing important information about yourself with someone you don’t even trust. It’s both scary and useless.
External Expectations
Growing up, I never remember my parents giving me expectations to score straight A’s at school, to win a competition, or to become billionaires. I never knew where my belief in the responsibility to be high-achieving came from, but I always had this thought that if I didn’t win something, my parents, brother, and friends would never be truly proud of me. So what I always did was work so hard to gain their recognition. And every time I felt tired, I never showed it. Perhaps, I just didn’t want them to see me as weak, so I left my words unspoken.
Avoiding Conflicts
Well, I guess my role in my family is the peacemaker. I don’t like conflicts, and I hate not talking to anyone because we have beef. That is why I think I set my opinions aside to avoid more conflicts. Not just in my relationship with my family, but also with my significant others.
Scared for Separations
Still in the same context as the previous point, being parted from any significant person in our lives can be heartbreaking. So instead of expressing my opinion, which might lead to separation, I sometimes set it aside.
Haunting Past
The scariest thing I’ll always be afraid of is being ‘labeled’ as something, whether it’s good or bad. I was once labeled as the ‘demanding’ one. They said I always demanded something to meet my standards, while I simply didn’t know the right words to say at the moment. That’s why expressing my opinion can lead me back to my haunting past. Therefore, I keep my words unspoken. Again.
Just imagine sweeping up the dust from your rug into the bottom of your drawer. The accumulated dust may not be visible if you sit in your living room as you always do. However, the longer you let that dust accumulate, the more harm it can cause to your home, such as triggering allergies and worsening air quality. It’s just an analogy of what it’s like to bottle up your emotions and thoughts. Once you decide to keep your words unspoken, it may lead to even more suppression. So, I am not a doctor who can prescribe how to break this habit, but here are some practices that I have always tried and still do:
Try to Journal.
Well, speaking up to a person may be difficult, but writing down your emotions and thoughts on paper might be more doable. I have been journaling for months now, and it has helped me let out my emotions so they don’t fester inside me.
Constantly remind yourselves about your worth.
When you know that you are simply worth it as is, you can gain more confidence in speaking up your thoughts and know that your opinion matters and is just as significant as the others.
Create a healthy relationship with your beloved ones.
I know the term ‘healthy relationship’ is kind of vague, as everyone’s view on it could be different. But from what I have learned throughout my entire life, having a healthy relationship means that two parties can express their thoughts and share their emotions without judgment. It involves creating a safe space where you can talk without fear.
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” — Maya Angelou
It’s time to unleash the unspoken.
