Love and Death
“What would you do if I died before you?” my boyfriend asked me. “That’s not going to happen. I would die before you.” I answered. “I would die with you.” Later, I changed my response. But truthfully, I’ve never found a perfect answer to this question.
I’ve endured the grief of losing loved ones, something I would never wish for. Yet, I know I’ll face more losses as long as I live. So, what would I do the next time death takes someone I love? Could I handle it?
I believe I could handle it. Couldn’t I? Handling it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel sorrow, or that I wouldn’t cry my heart out in the dead of night. It means carrying those sorrows on my shoulders until I can’t anymore, passing them on to the next person I love.
Isn’t that the meaning of life? We continuously lose our loved ones until we become the one who is taken away by death. I thought I wouldn’t live without my mother when I lost her. But now I’ve lived without her for 7 years. Even though some pieces of my heart and soul are buried with her forever, I am alive. After picking up the remaining pieces of my heart and soul and sticking them together with my sorrow, I found I am still breathing. So I think I can handle it.
I think if I lost my boyfriend, it would be a similar situation. I would lose another part of myself and survive once again, or maybe I couldn’t handle it anymore, as I would have become too fragile from losing too many loved ones before him. And, would die with him just like I answered him. However, this prospect doesn’t truly scare me, as I am already aware of the potential outcomes. One might ask “What if you were to die before him?” In that scenario, he would be the one left to live incomplete, a thought that may seem harsh. Nevertheless, it’s a reality beyond our control — our fate — and all we can do is accept it.
However, those explanations don’t quite fit as responses to my boyfriend’s question. Because such viewpoints might come across as cold-hearted. Instead, I would gently cradle his face, meet his eyes, and reaffirm our bond, saying “As long as I’m breathing, I’ll love you.” I know it sounds cliché, but I think people ask that question because they fear being forgotten by their loved ones after they’re gone. So, our answers should convey our unwavering love and enduring commitment. It’s about reassuring each other that our love will withstand the test of time and remain constant, regardless of life’s uncertainties. After all, isn’t that what true love is all about?
