Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys
Why it is not your problem
This may sound a bit like me saying that’s not my problem, and that’s exactly what I mean.
There are so many times in life that seem overwhelming, especially when you worry about so many things at once, over half of them not even being your problem. Why do we do that?
Maybe it is some way of trying to fix what is broken, or some type of mental and emotional trauma we have. I don’t know what the exact reason is, but it needs to stop.
Many of us find ourselves running around trying to do so many things we forget what is most important to us.
I don’t know about you, but I want to live my life the way I want to live it, and I do not need any other person’s problems. I have enough of my own.
You might find yourself stressed about work, finances or schooling due to many factors, so why add even more. I notice myself trying to help other people more than I try to help myself, therefore I tend to neglect what I need. How can I possibly be improving my life if I am always living it for others?
At work I take on extra tasks even though I am barely able to keep on top of my own, just to try to help someone else out, even though they are more than capable, and have more time than I do to complete it. Because I take on all the extra stress, I’ve created an environment for others to bring their baggage to me as well. This is a pattern we must break.
A few months ago my coworker said, “not my circus, not my monkeys”.
That was it. That is what I needed to hear. If a task was not mine, why was I taking on all the stress that comes along with it.
At this point I was more than ready to just say no and decline offering up my help when asked, however that is not the reason I have held onto that saying this long.
I needed to implement it into my life outside of work more than anything. I needed to separate myself from personal relationships that cause me stress and anxiety. This was never about taking on too much at work, it was always about my personal life and relationships.
After doing some soul searching I did just that.
I started with my romantic relationship. We began communicating more when we were able to handle more of each other’s personal “baggage”, by telling each other on a scale of 1–10 how we were feeling overall that day. If I said I was at a ‘two’, I was more capable to be a support because I could handle more stress, however if I said I was a ‘seven’, then we would save that topic and situation for another day, while still being able to support each other in the end.
Carrying all this extra weight on me made me realize that I was stronger than I thought. After ending some of my friendships because they were unhealthy and dramatic, I was able to focus more on my monkeys. Once this was done I noticed a major change in myself for the better. I relied more on myself and less on others.
Now as I train new employees, I say “not my circus, not my monkeys”. If the company does not want to give my team the resources we need, then that is not my problem, I am there to do a job, however, if I do not have the supplies and staff I need, how can I complete the tasks assigned to me.
This has been a major topic of concern in the last few months at work. By communicating that I am not able to do certain tasks if I did not have what I needed to complete them, my managers have now decided that holding me to unreachable goals based upon my means is not a great way to get the job done.
I have even said to my fellow managers who I believe are on the same page, “not my circus, not my monkeys” they understand what I mean by it and completely agree.
Because I spoke up and basically said, “I just work here, and do what I can for my area”, more focus has been equally placed on all departments, therefore everyone was being held accountable. Once again, allowing me to focus more on my monkeys and the jobs we were doing.
Next time you feel overwhelmed and stressed about anything, ask yourself, “Is this my circus? Are these my monkeys?”
