Birthing into the world
I don’t talk much… I speak from within. The words we speak take us very far, one way or another…
I know exactly why I haven’t had the maternal instinct this far in my life. Thinking about the depth of this kind of lifetime commitment might have scared me to the bone. I might also have been untimely briefed by a parent of mine about the questionable fact that bringing up kids irremediably ruins your life. I even got excited about the surrogacy option once, as it would allow me to simply experience pregnancy without having to take responsibility for the child afterwards.
At first, I took advantage of other people’s children’s company providing that their parents were around, so as to get rid of the package as soon as it became more or less cumbersome. I don’t like kids but rather my kids: nieces, nephews, little cousins… I can support their whims for a maximum of time. But other people’s children always seemed threatening to me, in the sense that they’re just passing through my life with an obvious desire to contribute to a negative-sum game in their sole advantage. Simply put, I couldn’t care less if my kids are using me. But I’m not ready to let myself be fooled by perfect little strangers. It’s the same scenario about pets: I’m not a dog lover, I only love my dog!
I sincerely marvel at the way children rave about life. I’ve been feeling very good about myself with these little-to-medium human beings who haven’t become too imbued with their parents’ complexes. Some adults simply force their fears and frustrations on their youngsters. Or by all means, they intend to methodically pass on all the narrow patterns of their own minds to theirs kids. It’s like a vicious circle of unconsciousness that perpetuates itself, and it’s heartbreaking. (Mindfulness skills should be taught at school!)
Caring for Children born with physical, mental or emotional disabilities…
My friend gave birth to a baby boy with cleft lip. Her first born actually. She’s a pediatrician dealing with an extensive range of diseases in children on a regular basis. I’ve always thought she would have known, more than anyone else, how to maintain, under tight control, all the parameters for having the most perfect baby possibly. The proof it doesn’t work that way at all…
However, I consider her case quite mild compared to autism, physical deformities, blindness or so… in a newborn. My own cousin gave birth to her second child with a rather severe type of mongolism. Her life then turned upside down. It was all about this particular kid, and the scene looked pretty gloomy to me.
To tell you everything, I don’t know how I would accommodate myself with a child born with any physical, physiological or mental factory defect. I can’t even guarantee that my legendary sense of duty would take over. (The fear is real here and i’m such a damn perfectionnist!)
Coming back to myself
I’m willing to forgive myself for giving in to fear too often. I hope to make peace with the world for taking such a toll on women (one more!), and for being ill-intentioned, in addition, when it really not need be. Our Judeo-Christian civilization deeply influenced by the fear of the feminine energy, beside its presence in all human beings, finds it difficult to forgive my congeners for making such a big display of their intrinsic nature.
At this precise point in my life, I have some clarification to all the shadows I’ve dealt with on the bringing up-a-child-matter.
I know the actual version of myself big time. I’m completely in love with it and trust deeply in his positive potential.
I have a clear picture of the kind of man I wish to call the father of my children.
I definitely know the kind of environment in which I imagine their upbringing (both father and children!).
I know the kind of education I’d love them to get involved with.
I know how to treat their souls, answer their questions and calm their apprehensions.
I just know how to love a child right now (falling confetti! Tada!), and how to embrace their uniqueness.
I know exactly what kind of b*llsh*t I can put up with and what kind I might as well ship back to any sender.
Do I consider myself ready to have my own child yet? Only the future (rather close by the way) will tell us.
Closing statement
Life in this world is rather just a game. Balance is a key achievement, although a relentlessly dynamic one at once. And so far, I haven’t met anyone who understands this aspect more than children. Kids must be delivered with the perfect app for that. (ah ah!)
Early on, children should be encouraged to contribute with their best selves to Life.
I always believed that I had to be a wiser human being than my parents, even if I often had the impression that they (the two of them) always considered their offspring as their first source of insecurity or competition. At least, I aspire to be more and more aligned with the energies of the world.
I deeply believed I owe it to the world to be the best humankind possible and the best version of myself. Or, at least, I had to understand the rat race going on forever with my fellows, so that I don’t get trapped in one when would come my turn. (Mimicking Yoda in Star Wars here!)
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