Seeing the Invisible Ones
Are you capable of seeing the invisible ones?
Who are they? You ask.
They are the ones that are the outliers. The ones who are quiet at a party. Quiet in the group chat. Quiet on social media. Quiet at the noisy bar or restaurant.
They are quiet because of the embarrassment of failure in a marriage. Or a job.
Quiet because they are not funny enough, smart enough, or savvy enough.
They are quiet because they don’t know what or how to post. Sure, they follow and click ‘like’ on posts. But they do not post.
They are quiet because there are too many shining stars in the room.
Who is their guide?
I am not presuming I know entirely why people choose to be quiet. I am definitely not a quiet one. But I can hazard a guess.
Fear is their guiding light.
Fear of reprisal.
Fear of being silenced.
Fear of being judged for complaining.
Fear of being judged for wearing their hearts on their sleeves.
After all, we are a positivity-loving society, aren’t we? Positivity, so toxic it is nauseating.
Expectations
So, true to form — it is the stars that command attention. The rich ones, the talented ones, the funny ones. The married ones. And the savvy ones.
But what about the quiet ones? The devastated divorcee. The unsuccessful-at-their-career ones, the ones who beat themselves up for just being who they are. The shy ones. The insecure ones.
I like to balance things out by saying, we loud ones need to have the freedom to be ourselves.
But, we also need to be self-aware. Aware when we have taken too much of the attention space.
In this day of algorithms determining fame or recognition at the least, it is quite contrary to suggest this formula.
Screaming Subtlety
It is the subtle things that count. It does scream for the keen listener. For the observant too.
In this day of cancel culture, sensitivity, and polarizing views, people are careful of what they say and do. I guess it is because of the hard-knock lessons learned from speaking too much. I know.
But, the subtle speech and non-actions are alive and well too. That is — if you notice them.
What do I mean by that? It is one thing to slam someone or be nasty overtly.
But did you know that your subtle indifference is also seen?
When you do not acknowledge someone in a room.
When you interact on social media with everyone except the one.
When you respond in a group chat to everyone’s input except the one.
You are seen. By the observant. By those who know the inside story.
Indifference is hate
Did you know that indifference is akin to hate?
If I do not love my brother with a love that is equal to the one that I have for myself, I am nothing.
In fact, it is better to hate than ignore. Hot soup or a chilled drink is better than both being lukewarm.
Indifference not only hurts the receiver but it shows the giver to be callous, and cold.
I am not saying to always respond. Always notice. I am saying to do so at least once in a way.
How are we subtly indifferent?
Ignoring the quiet one at the board meeting.
Never responding to the one person on a group chat, while responding to others. Every single time.
Not inviting the ‘single’ friend to dinner because it would be awkward to have one extra.
Assuming the invisible one will not want to join in the getaway your gang has organized.
Have you stepped into these people’s shoes? Are you paying their bills?
Sit where they sit.
I remember asking my daughter who she sat with at lunch break. For many months she sat alone. She was a newbie in high school.
I wondered: With all the degrees that teachers are made to get, why don’t we educate teachers to teach how to see the invisible ones?
Ok. Maybe I am being oversensitive in this case.
But, I have written about this before. Or actually, I have spoken about this on my podcast.
So how do we become more caring and sensitive to the invisible ones?
- Being self-aware. I know this sounds contrary. But awareness of your own tendency to dominate the room will be the first step.
- Being observant — notice who is in the space.
- Being inclusive. Seek to gather them into the conversation. Even if they do not contribute.
- Invite the invisible ones to everything you possibly can invite them to.
- Gather them, gather them. This way you are saying, “I see you. You are not invisible.”
So that is my two pence. A lot of this has come from observing the invisible ones in my life. What are some observations that you have made?
Comment below! Would love to hear from you!
