Self-love: Is it a concept for real?
If you are active on Instagram, Facebook, or any other social media platform — I am sure that you must have come across many quotes propagating self-love.
Surprisingly, I have found these posts very simple to understand and practice but paradoxically, it is not that straight! 😅
Also, these quotes have always invoked a question — is this a real concept?
If yes, why so? & how does one go about it?
Let me present, my answer to you.
YES, this is a VERY real concept that plays a principal role in many important aspects of love.
If I were to quote just one example, then it plays a significant role in building and nurturing our relationship with self (which I believe, is the most important relationship).
It may read a bit cliché but Geet’s character from ‘Jab We Met’ (a Bollywood film) should be the benchmark of learning and practicing self-love 😄
Think about it, we have been hearing about ‘self-love’ since a very long time, but I have not seen a lot of people who are really putting it into practice (including myself).
Why?
Because, for good 20–30–40–50-or whatever years, we have been taught otherwise.
All of us have been taught that we should be helpful, cooperative, adjusting, available, adapting, etc. for others but nobody really talked about, ‘at what cost’.
Let’s say — there is a person X, going through recurring panic attacks due to some mental health condition, and then there is this friend of person X, person Y.
Person Y needs some advice on some matter (not that immediate), in such a case — society has taught us to be available for person Y without questioning if person X, really has the mental bandwidth to even offer help?!
In matters like these, SELF-LOVE leading to self-empathy comes to the rescue!
But an intriguing question to address first is, what is self-love?
Different people can have different meanings of self-love, for me, self-love is a feeling that makes you feel valuable, worthy, and enough in self.
It is a feeling, representative of your relationship with self — where you have faith in your actions, beliefs, and decisions, and you make a conscious effort to take care of yourself.
It is associated with all 3 kinds of care — physical, mental & emotional.
Think of it as a situation, where you see yourself as another person and your emotions for that person.
Do you care for that person, do you trust that person, do you value that person, do you empathize with that person?! — The answer to all these questions should be, YES.
In case, it’s a No — then it is a good enough idea to start building that healthy relationship with self by sowing the seeds of self-love.
The next thing in-line is, what should one do to get started with self-love?
Personally — I am practicing it, learning, unlearning, and still growing with the concept.
However, if I were to list steps to progress/build self-love then there are 3 steps:
1. Acquainting with self
- Do you really know yourself?
- What are your triggers?
- Your needs?
- Your crisis management patterns? etc.
Most of us, don’t know these minute things about ourselves — we never paid attention.
But on the contrary, we all deserve a chance to know our beautiful selves.
Think about it, our sense of self is our only reality and something which is going to last with us, forever.
Isn’t it worth it to know ourselves?!
Get to know your weaknesses, your dark thoughts, your emotions, your ugly truths (we all have them), and every bit about yourself.
This is one of the most important steps, once you face yourself and acknowledge your thoughts, emotions, ideas, bodies, actions, regrets, past, etc. — you have covered 50% of the way.
This is going to be a long journey but you will never regret following it.
Just spend time with yourself and observe, that’s it!
2. Acceptance of self
- Are you kind to yourself?
- Do you let yourself make mistakes?
- What does your self-talk look like?
- Do you acknowledge your feelings/needs?
If the answer to any of these questions is No, then the next step is to accept those truths about self.
We have all made mistakes in the past, we all hated some parts of our bodies, we all made terrible decisions in the past, and we all are afraid to face our emotions.
We are in the same boat.
Now that, you have gained acquaintance with yourself, the next thing to do is to acknowledge these things. Accepting with honesty, this is who I am?!
And then maybe, change a few habits, apologize wherever necessary, or reverse the action.
Simple to preach, difficult to practice. But once you do this, you will feel empowered & authentic. I promise ❤
3. Appreciating/celebrating self
- When was the last time you praised yourself?
- Do you feel worthy of big things in life?
- If you were someone else, would you want to be friends with yourself?
This is that stage, where you start liking yourself 😊
You feel worthy, deserving, lovable, beautiful and all these things make you happy by just existing.
You are empathetic and kind towards yourself on most days.
You are no longer looking for validation but constructive feedback. You have built a positive self-image. You feel confident enough in the idea of self.
You value your comforts and discomforts. You have boundaries. You value your ideas and opinions. You strive to become better; you are open.
You are kind, and loving with people around you.
Metamorphically, you have managed to fill your cup of love to the brim, and you are ready to share it with the world.
That’s it! — just 3 steps to begin your self-love journey and not to mention — this is not a destination, it will stay with you and go with you 😉
In my experience, it is a long journey because there are a thousand things that we need to unlearn during the journey.
Let’s take an example — if a person has hated his/her body type for 20 years for any reason whatsoever, it will not reverse overnight.
So, this concept of achieving self-love is ongoing and progressive and it keeps getting better as you progress towards achieving it.
I promise you will feel the difference in you. In your self-talk, self-care, self-value.
In your mindset & actions associated.
It is a path worth exploring, to be honest — you will be lost in the way (happens with everyone), but you will rediscover and re-route again.
P.S. — I am no expert in advocating self-love, but this was just my learning about the concept and something I have been practicing and benefiting from.
If you choose to embark on the journey, you are going to love the ride, go for it! ❤
With Love, TS
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