The Bagel of a Lifetime
All they needed was some gluten to bind them together
“So can I go?” he asked.
The sunlight stretched itself over the dining table, just spilling over the neighbor’s roof. It was Sunday morning, which meant that Danny was having a sesame bagel, freshly toasted with a generous lump of garlic cream cheese. Mom loved them on the weekends. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands nervously, hoping it would shield him from harm.
It had taken him what felt like hours to ask. He’d never been away before, never traveled out of the state. Danny was used to staying at home. Besides, he could be anywhere in an instant. Dad recently bought him a VR headset for Christmas, and with it, he could be anywhere instantly. One day he played ping pong with his friends at a cabin in Aspen, CO, and the next he was taking a cable car ride up to Table Mountain. The VR headset gave his budding imagination freedom while his body was locked in a suburban biosphere.
One day, he brought it to school to show off. He was new and transferred in mid-year. He didn’t have any friends, so he was hoping someone would notice it. Notice him. He was the first one in the parking lot after class so it would be easy.
The bell rang, and soon a few people from his biology class walked by. Martin, his new lab partner, grabbed it and was immediately transported to a zip line in Toledo. He invited Danny over later so they could play it. It was going well.
Then Ann walked by. Puzzled, she asked what that shoebox was that was strapped to Martin’s face. A VR headset, duh. Martin was busy getting vertigo.
“Why don’t you just go there like a normal person? Last year my family summered in Madrid,” said Ann.
Fucking Ann.
That day Danny learned that most of them went away during the summer. Studying abroad, visiting family, summering somewhere. He didn’t even know seasons could be used as verbs.
His family vacations mainly revolved around camping, or Six Flags, or visiting his relatives. In his previous neighborhood, he’d spend afternoons playing video games all night with his friends or playing basketball at the park. His entire life was contained within a 15-mile radius. Now, he had the whole world to compete with.
So Danny waited for his mom to read the handout. It was wrinkled and slightly damp from being held in his hands for so long. He got it from his French teacher, Mrs. Salam, who forced him to tuck it away in his backpack next to his homework to think it over. Her encouragement, combined with the newfound imagination and Ann’s condescension, gave him just enough fuel to ask.
“What’s this, summer camp in France?“ she said, smiling and in between large bites of chewy dough. He wasn’t sure if she was more interested in the bagel or his ask.
After a while, she finally said “I think this could be really good for you. But go ask your dad.”
The death sentence. Asking dad didn’t mean just asking dad. It meant get lectured by dad. Or get one-word answers from dad. Or get a favor-for-a-favor from dad. Choose your own adventure, but they all eventually lead to misery.
So Danny got up, put his dish into the sink, and slid the back patio door to search for dad.
Erin had to take a deep breath. Not only to stop and take a break from chewing the bagel but to calm her nerves.
She took her eyes off the plate and looked out of the window to her right. The light stretched a bit further now, striking diagonally across her body and over the XL t-shirt she slept in. Squinting, she could only see the new wooden fence, untested by outdoor forces. Other than the sound of the lawnmower in the distance, the air was calm and still. She was still getting used to living with a backyard.
Erin never thought she’d live in the suburbs. She preferred her local Italian joint that made the absolute best homemade lasagna over Olive Garden any day. She’d bet on it.
The furniture in their apartment barely filled in their new house, so on the weekends, she was busy arranging and rearranging what they had and taking note of the gaps to fill in between. She no longer had to spend time sharing laundry in the basement, but she also no longer had her local bodega around the corner to pick up groceries. You win some, you lose some.
The lawnmower suddenly stopped. The only thing audible was the sound of her breath. Just a few months ago, she would have been hearing her upstairs neighbor bang on pots and pans and stomping in their steel-toed Timberlands at six in the morning. Why a 60-year old woman bound to a wheelchair would do such a thing wasn’t a concern of hers. She just knew it was happening.
It was too early for the lawn work to be finished, so she figured Danny had found him. She quickly put down the bagel to pick her phone up and text John.
You better say yes!
Danny did not take the move well. He failed his first few tests. In the end, she thought it was for the best to put him in high-achieving environments, but his grades illuminated the huge divide between the quality of the schools. A divide that only served to discourage Danny. He was used to being a high-achieving student.
The tutors helped some, but it also ate into any extracurricular activity that he wanted to join. John didn’t mind, he thought school grades came first. But Erin thought it was clearly having an impact on him.
She felt hopeful that with this summer camp, he’d start to feel like himself again. She remembered noticing the tone in his voice as he asked — shaky and quiet. She texted John again.
And be nice!!!
The choice to move was less about her creature comforts and preferences, and more so John could get a better-paying job. They weren’t desperate, but they were opportunistic. With his new role, and her job allowing her to go fully remote, they could retire sooner to spend more time together as a family. She had to leave hers behind, they both did, so their focus was to build a new one.
That’s what made her choose Olive Garden.
John tried not to wake Erin up earlier this morning. Maybe it was the warmth of the bedroom, but he’d been tossing and turning for the past hour. The light had yet to crack through the curtains, so it must be early. Since his leg was halfway out of the covers he might as well get up. Sleep seemed so far away; it’ll have to wait until later.
He was usually good at sleeping like a log throughout the night. Some say he was born for it. A natural. But recently he’d struggled to stay asleep. He just couldn’t get comfortable; his body would roll around like a desperate alligator subduing its prey. In his current state, he’d rather be the prey.
Everyone was getting used to their new environment, and he felt wholly responsible. The routine they worked so hard to build up had vanished. He’d love how dinners used to be. The weekly menu was a mix of staple dishes like wild mushroom pasta on weeknights, with experimental cuisine on the weekends like Viet-Dominican fusion. Together he and Erin would take turns cooking while the other would take care of the dishes. Food was always served family style; platters were placed in the middle and everyone grabbed what they wanted. They always made sure to make extra for leftovers.
Just this last week, they had dinner together exactly once. John was still new at work, still carving out his own brand and proving his worth by working late nights.
You’d think with the exhaustion he’d be able to fall asleep, but life doesn’t work like that. He was like a too-tired toddler who couldn’t fall asleep. So he did the next best comforting thing he could do.
“Lemme get 3 sesame bagels, toasted, with garlic smear,” he said. “And two Americanos. To go.”
At least he had a bagel spot nearby. If the night didn’t treat John well, he might as well have a nice start.
It was slightly brighter now as he pulled back into his driveway, but still peaceful. The houses lined up next to each other perfectly, each two-story house copied and pasted save for a few cosmetic changes. Every lawn except his was practically drawn in with a ruler. His plot of land looked rather gangly, as if left undisturbed for months. He could feel the stares of the joggers as they passed by, a direct judgment of not only who he was as a homeowner but also of his current state of affairs.
He went inside and quickly polished a bagel off before anyone woke up. It was sulfa for his soul. It wouldn’t heal it, but at least it would stop it temporarily from getting worse.
Satiated, he made his way to the lawn to get started on that chore. He actually was looking forward to it. House chores were well-defined and mostly a one-person job. And best of all, you could see the end results right away. Immediate gratification. With all of the transitions happening, this checked all of the boxes that he sorely needed.
Sunday mornings once started with little more than a ray of sunlight. His eyes would crack open to inspect the landscape — a pillow on the floor, the comforter folded like a plate of scrambled eggs, the terms of the armistice to evenly distribute the bed no longer applied. Coffee, toast, and Netflix were the most of their worries. By the afternoon, their focus was always turned on planning their next adventure.
Traveling had been a big part of their lives up until Danny. Neither had traveled much growing up, so they made up for lost time by daisy-chaining one trip right after another. Domestic, international, weekend trips, or month-long trips. It didn’t matter where or for how long. There wasn’t a weekend that didn’t involve talking about where to go.
The fabric of their lives was filled with passport stamps, YouTube algorithms dialed in on top restaurants to visit, and spreadsheets with formulas dedicated to making sure their budgets worked. Their expendable incomes, combined with little responsibility other than themselves sprinkled with a thirst for discovery, propelled them toward new airport arrival gates. It also propelled them closer together.
Without much effort, the depth of field during their travels quickly narrowed. Photos of historic monuments and beautiful natural landscapes slowly made way for photos of Erin sleeping with her mouth agape on the airplane, and of John splitting his pants while squatting to pose. The subject of focus on the destination for their travels melted away, and what revealed itself was a simple desire to deepen their connection with each other. It was the clearest picture they’ve ever taken. They were in love.
Their love took them to the far reaches of the world, and naturally, it also took them back home. The next decision they had to make was both one of the easiest decisions and the most consequential. It meant a lot of trade-offs, but they were both ready for their next adventure. As much as they loved their current lives, where they currently were was no longer appropriate for where they needed to go.
So now here he was, mowing the lawn.
During a particularly tricky maneuver in which he perfectly executed a 90-degree turn, he felt a subtle change in the air. It wasn’t a noise or a physical sensation, but more of a sense that someone was watching you. It snapped him out of his trance. He looked up and around and saw Danny.
“Hey dad, are you busy?”
John looked down at the lawnmower, and back up at Danny. “A little,” he said. He took his hand off the clutch to turn off the motor, took one earbud out, and held it in his right hand. The music paused.
“What’s up?” John squinted at the morning light, and to Danny, this gave off a slight tinge of impatience.
“Mom said I had to ask you.”
“About what?” asked John. As he spoke, a notification sound went off in his left earbud. His pocket soon followed up with a vibration.
Danny, unable to hide his trepidation, took a few steps forward and handed him the paper.
Ding went his phone again. He felt another vibration. He used his free hand to take his phone out. There were two notifications from Erin.
You better say yes!
And be nice!!
Danny shifted his weight from his left foot to his right and crossed his arms. His eyes traced the path of the lawnmower and then darted down at his feet. He felt uneasy with how long this was taking. He knew he shouldn’t have asked.
John looked back from the phone to the paper. Slowly his brow started to relax. Two weeks in Paris in July with a host family. The thoughts in his mind were like impatient subway riders on a crowded train, itching to get off. He didn’t know which one would shove their way to the front to get out first. On one hand, he held a life that he had been growing for close to 20 years. That life was well worn-in, scratched, and dented, but still ready to be placed in the cargo hold for another adventure. In the other hand, he had one life that hadn’t even gotten its first luggage tag. For the first time in a long time, he had finally felt the pieces starting to come together again. He continued to stare at the paper while he slid the phone back into his pocket.
He felt that Danny had started to become curious about venturing beyond the suburbs but didn’t want to make a fuss about it. He was at a rebellious stage, not unlike what John had gone through when he was young. He felt if he had pushed any, given too much encouragement to explore everything that makes life worth living, Danny would instantly lose interest and do the opposite.
The VR gift had been a way to surreptitiously get a foot in the door. One of the few things that they were still able to bond over was video games, so this was an easy trojan horse. John told Danny that he loaded his “top apps he was looking forward to,” which included several traveling-themed apps. Smooth.
“Dad?” Danny had finally spoken up.
John looked up and snapped out of his self-congratulatory monologue. Immediately he noticed how anxious his son looked. What was he thinking? He took out the left earbud and placed both in his pocket. He patted Danny’s shoulder.
“You know, your mom and I went to France before you were born. We spent 5 days there and ate everything we possibly could. One night your mom couldn’t stop eating baguettes, she almost couldn’t make it to dinner because of how full she was.” John said.
They both looked inside and saw Erin, hosting a thousand-yard stare on her face while the last bite of the bagel made its way into her mouth.
He looked back at Danny, smiled, and handed him back the paper.
“When you finish with the summer camp, we’ll come visit you,” said John
“Really?! So I can go?”
“Yes son, you can go.”
Danny smiled back, and they shared a hug. Danny ran inside back to mom to make it official.
John watched as he went back into his pocket to retrieve his phone. With his thumb, he pulled down the notification bar, and quickly thumbed out a response.
We have a new family trip to plan.
