The Way It All Ends
Hi, I’m Dr. Kate, and today’s article focuses on “The Way It All Ends.” It’s a read. It carries significant importance, especially for women. So, guys, please share this with your sisters and daughters because they need to hear it.
An Overview of the Current Sexual Landscape
Let's start by discussing the state of relationships. We’ve noticed a decline, in the number of individuals opting for marriage — entering into partnerships or pursuing encounters. This is a shift that differs greatly from what we’ve witnessed in the past. Various factors are playing a role, in this phenomenon.
The Impact of Female Hypergamy
However, one important factor contributing to this trend is the concept of hypergamy. It’s also worth noting that young women, all over the world are excelling in various aspects. Women under 30 without children are outperforming men in areas like education and earning potential. It’s truly inspiring to witness women thriving! With that being said if women continue to prioritize partners who have a status in dating and relationships and if young men aren’t achieving similar success as young women, then over time there might be a gradual decrease in the number of potential partners available, for most women.
The Impact Trickling Down
Since women typically have control over when sex happens while men have control over committing to a relationship, we can observe the trickledown effect mentioned earlier; reduced sexual activity leads to fewer relationships, which in turn leads to fewer marriages.
The Complexities of Courtship
Now solving this issue would be relatively easier if it weren’t for one factor: women. Despite their beliefs about gender dynamics, sexuality, and power women still expect men to make the move. As discussed previously across cultures and throughout history it has been traditionally expected that men initiate advances toward women.
The Act of Proposal
This initiation can range from invitations like “Hey, are you free?” to offering a drink like “Can I buy you a drink “. Even proposing marriage like “Will you marry me?”. However, it is always the man who takes the initiative with no reason, behind this tradition.
You know it’s interesting how we’ve questioned and challenged traditional gender roles but somehow this one has managed to stick around until now.
Just to put it there I wouldn’t mind being taken out for dinner. I mean, if you’re up for making all the plans and covering the expenses or if you’d like to invite me over for a home-cooked meal I’d be genuinely thrilled to join in and make an effort to look nice. Course this is all assuming that you meet my criteria and aren’t just assuming things about me because that would be quite creepy. Hey, my eyes are up here!
Regardless of why it’s happened, it seems like women generally aren’t interested in taking on this role in the courtship process. At every age and at every level of commitment they’re still waiting for someone to make the move.
Now at glance this might not seem like an issue for women, in their 20s.
The job offers might be pouring in quickly and, with intensity, giving the impression that a better offer will surely come along, and they will accept it when they are ready.
However, this mindset while understandable leads to consequences down the line. The dynamics change when individuals turn 30. As we discussed earlier at age 30 the average value of a man in the dating market surpasses that of a woman for the first time.
The evolving value of an offer is another factor to consider. Assuming men are expected to make the offer — marriage or a lifelong commitment with protection and support — to women in their 20s as well as those in their 30s or beyond and considering that women’s value in the dating market decreases over time on this same timeline all other factors being equal the same offer becomes increasingly costly as a woman ages.
Let me reiterate this point using phrasing; Although it is the offer being made a woman’s value, in the dating market diminishes as she gets older. Consequently, this means that over time that identical offer becomes more expensive.
In general, this implies that if women do not adapt to changing circumstances, they might find themselves facing challenges in the dating market. This is especially true because they seem determined not to make the move.
The Paradox of Female Hypergamy
Alright let’s try to put all of this, shall we? Considering everything we’ve discussed, female hypergamy, the relative success of young women compared to young men, how attractiveness changes over time, and the fact that women are not making advances towards men. There are only a few possible outcomes.
In fact, if we envision a chess game with 20 moves there are five potential scenarios for women. I don’t have odds for each scenario. Some are more likely than others. Let’s briefly go through all five possibilities.
The Five Scenarios
Remember that achieving and attractive young women set a high standard for potential partners. Their success and preference for seeking higher-status mates means they have options when it comes to dating and relationships. The cost or effort required to enter into a relationship with them is quite substantial.
Considering that most women are aiming for the top 10 percent of men, the competition between them is truly remarkable.
Now on the side, while women are doing well for themselves the men, they are hypergamously attracted to even more successful men. These 10 percent of men have plenty of options. It’s understandable that they might hesitate to commit to one person for the rest of their lives.
This creates a paradox where the men who possess what women desire are actually the least likely to offer it to them. Let me reiterate; those men who have what women want are least inclined to provide it. From their perspective meeting women’s expectations becomes too costly. Those expectations only increase over time. This situation will only intensify as the discussed trends continue.
What this implies is that based on the assumptions I’ve mentioned earlier there are five outcomes for women. As you’ll see these outcomes logically cover all possibilities.
A. Women maintain standards that surpass their competitors in attracting high-value men and securing a partner, with value. B. Women reduce their prices in order to outshine the competition between genders and attract a high-value partner. C. Women maintain prices, fail others in the dating pool, and settle for a partner of lower value. D. Women lower their prices. Still struggle to surpass the competition between genders resulting in settling for a partner of value. E. Women settle, ultimately remaining single.
There are no outcomes for this scenario.
The Probable Result
So, which outcome is most likely? Take a moment to think about it before continuing with this discussion on economics and the exchange of value. To answer this question let’s consider what you would do as a woman when shopping.
Would you ever purchase the product from one seller if you could find it cheaper and conveniently elsewhere? Definitely not! This is why scenario A — keeping your price tag high, with men who have plenty of options — is highly unlikely and difficult for some women to understand.
The High Price of Luxury
It won’t result in a sale that’s, for sure. Have you ever found yourself paying a price for a product from one seller even though you could easily find a product elsewhere at a lower cost? I believe many women have experienced this when it comes to owning designer bags which are simply bags to carry things in.
The Appeal of Designer Brands
You don’t necessarily have to spend thousands of dollars on a bag but there is an allure in having a Versace bag that comes with such a price tag. Versace can charge thousands of dollars for their bags because they have proven that women are willing to pay prices. They outshine all bags. Belong to the top tier of luxury. To own such an item, one must be considered part of the group.
Competition for Desirable Partners
In reality, most women don’t fall into this category. If they keep their prices high, they may lose out in the competition for the 10 percent of men when it comes to relationships. It’s not because these men can’t afford the price tag; it’s more about them being like you. Not wanting to spend more than necessary on the product. So, scenario A is highly unlikely.
It only occurs one percent of the time.
Understanding the Reality of the Dating Market
Furthermore, it’s important to acknowledge that even if all the top 10 percent of men were interested in marriage and settling down (which they definitely aren’t) it would mean that a maximum of 10 percent of women could potentially end up with one of these desirable men. Considering that one percent of women find themselves in scenario A and taking into account that roughly one-third of the remaining men in this category may not be interested in settling down at any given moment (by an estimate) it implies that approximately six percent of women could potentially find themselves in scenario B making it the second least probable outcome.
The Price to Secure a High-Value Man
Naturally attaining this outcome requires women to lower their expectations. Ladies, do you find yourself more inclined to purchase a Versace bag at a price or when it’s on sale? Even if you can afford to pay the price, wouldn’t you be more motivated by the discount? Course, because that’s just sensible.
If Versace aims to attract customers who would otherwise be unable to afford their products it is crucial for Versace to take that approach.
The Remaining Women
Great! We’ve discussed the two options. There are still 93 percent of women whose situations have not been accounted for. Where will they turn? Well considering that the number of women at 40 has increased by 25 percent in just the past decade and that seven percent of women fall into the first two categories it means that approximately two-thirds of women will face scenarios C and D.
The Choices Women Make
Based on my observations I believe that women, despite their considerations genuinely and understandably prefer to remain single rather than settling for a less desirable relationship with a partner who is perceived as having lower value. However, it’s important to acknowledge that the desire for children and commitment can be incredibly influential, for women as they get older. Therefore, there is indeed a division when it comes to this aspect.
The Final Outcomes
I have a feeling that 15 percent of women find themselves in situation D. They reduce their prices. Still struggling to surpass the competition and end up settling for a man of value. It’s the probable outcome and these women usually end up here due to societal pressure.
The Cost of Necessity
Ladies, would you ever spend twenty dollars on a sandwich? Well perhaps if you were at the airport. Didn’t plan ahead.
In this scenario, the thought of going 12 hours without food is more unpleasant than paying more for a meal. When faced with the possibility of going completely hungry people are willing to pay extra for quality. On the side, this is why businesses that regularly produce goods. From car manufacturers to fashion designers to bakeries. Offer significant discounts just before introducing newer and fresher products.
This strategy aims to attract customers who are either unwilling or unable to wait a little for better options. It’s all about creating a sense of urgency when you need to make sales because your product is near expiration.
Women, without Partners or Children
Moving on we have Scenario E.
These are women who find it challenging to find a partner and are not willing to settle for less. Their numbers in the population are increasing rapidly. Currently around one out of every four women experience this situation. I believe it will soon become one out of every three making it the second common outcome.
It would be too harsh to say that these women end up alone. All there are people with whom they can build fulfilling relationships. However, they do find themselves without a partner or children. In 2020 60 percent of women under the age of 30 in the United States did not have children and interestingly enough this does not seem to bother women in this specific group. Many of them are thriving in aspects such as their careers where they make money exploring different parts of the world through travel, prioritizing their friendships and personal interests while receiving numerous opportunities.
Nevertheless, I cannot emphasize enough that things change once they reach 30 years old. Like how significant changes occur between the ages of 19 and 29 there is a lot that shifts, between the ages of 29 and 39. Timeframes become shorter; opportunities seem to slip than anticipated; and the fear of missing out becomes more prevalent. It is important for these women to plan ahead as failure to do so can lead to outcomes.
The Unintentional Absence of Motherhood
Based on an analysis conducted in 2010 it was found that around 10 percent of women who ultimately do not have children actively choose not to be mothers. Another 10 percent face obstacles that prevent them from becoming mothers. This implies that 80 percent of women ended up in this situation unintentionally.
Moreover, it’s important to note that this distribution is not uniform, among all women. The highest proportion of women is observed among those who are highly educated and earn a substantial income, particularly those who were excelling in their twenties. Contrary to belief, men are generally less inclined to pursue relationships with these women not because they feel intimidated by their success (that’s just a myth perpetuated by some) but rather because these accomplished women tend to be older.
The Price of Achievement
Obtaining a degree and building a career takes time and effort. As we have seen over time the value of the opportunities becomes higher. In addition, these achieving women are less likely to compromise on their preferences when it comes to choosing partners. All they have worked hard to reach their positions so why should they settle for anything less? It’s a question to ponder.
The dynamics of the market play a role in shaping outcomes. However, it is often observed that these women, more frequently than their educated earnings, and younger counterparts tend to price themselves out of the market. As a result, scenario C becomes more prevalent. Since these five possible scenarios cover all the outcomes, we can estimate that 53 percent or roughly half of all women will end up with men who have lower value but are willing to pay a higher price.
There is a tradeoff involved in this situation. While high-value men with options may not be inclined to offer things like exclusivity or lifelong commitment, lower-value men who might not have access to similar opportunities might be willing to do so. These men must offer more to compensate for their lack of attractiveness. Consequently, most women end up with the kind of relationship they desire. Not with their ideal partner. This is often what leads to forms of dissatisfaction. To quote Chris Rock, “One reason why your partner may always seem upset is that you weren’t her choice”.
The desire for luxury exists among women even if they cannot afford high-end brands, like Versace sacks. However, this doesn’t deter them from wanting items. This can lead to feelings of envy and unhappiness especially when scrolling through social media platforms.
On the other hand, some women can find a way to reconcile this conflict by turning a necessity into a virtue, which all things considered is quite practical and beneficial.
The practical decision of fixating on the designer bag, they desired but couldn’t afford they reinterpret the discounted knockoff they purchased as valuable. All the knockoff bags can hold as much as the Versace one and might even be more suitable for most occasions.
So, what does this mean? In the end, most women will have an option so there’s no need to succumb to panic or anxiety. This is an estimated likelihood distribution when we project 20 moves. The distribution relies on women's hesitance to make the move whether it’s asking someone out on a date or committing to a partnership.
Things will change significantly if and when they overcome that hesitation threshold. For now, this is how things stand. Just remember that these odds ratios are somewhat idealized and become less favorable for women as time goes on.
Today presents an opportunity for many women to establish the desired relationship with the man of their choice. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Please share your opinions in the comments section below. As always, thank you for taking the time to read.
