WHAT DEPRESSION TAUGHT ME
Hello champions, I know talking about depression and mental health problems is not something that comes naturally and easily to us.
But it’s something that changed me, COMPLETELY.
“Depression is a feeling when you know something has changed but you are not able to explain it, in words or even actions. It is something going in your head.”
You will find a hundred different websites on the symptoms of being in depression, but it’s not true that it is the same feeling. I’ve suffered through what it is called “depression”.
As I’ve talked before about me being a hard-core people pleaser from my childhood, so it was more likely for me to get stuck in the loop of overthinking and attaining negative emotions in my heart.
It started when I was in 11th standard. I woke up one afternoon after a nap and as soon as I woke up, something changed.
I did not know what it was, there was an ache in my heart.
It was indescribable.
It felt something like someone took out organs from my stomach. I felt sad, and frustrated and I didn’t feel like doing anything.
I felt unclean.
Everything was going okay, as far as my academics and social life is concerned. I told my mother that I was feeling this sad feeling, a feeling like I was caged.
“Caged in a big, big box from where there was no way out.”
I felt like crying. It may sound like a poem or a play, but believe me it’s not.
(I will talk about my whole journey in some other post.)
“A person who has gone through it knows the feeling of emptiness and the unexplainable feeling depression can give someone.”
It went on for days, I couldn’t focus on my studies. I couldn’t chill with my friends. I used to cry for no reason for hours. I used to stay at my own house with my family but I felt homesick.
Whenever I used to wake up after a nap or even a good night’s sleep, I woke up with a heavy heart, and a sad feeling. Yes, it was minor depression.
In India especially, people have made mental illness a taboo.
People don’t want to talk about it and someone who is suffering through it, is called a “mental” or a “crackhead”.
That feeling stayed for months. I used to do my work and studies but that feeling was not leaving me.
I did not have access to a therapist or even a mental health doctor at that time as I didn’t know how to approach one & it was a small city where I lived. I couldn’t open up to my family members because every time I tried to, they told me it is “just the effect of using social media and watching movies.” “They denied the whole existence of mental illness.”
After 4 and a half months, there came a point. I felt numb.
I decided to treat myself by myself.
So let’s come to it. Whilst I was suffering and I was healing, here is what depression taught me:
1. Strength comes through tough times.
When you ask God to make you strong, do you really think that he’s going to inject feelings of strongness in you? That he is going to give you a chocolate and you will become a rock?
No, right?
He gives you opportunities. He gives you chances like he gave me. I did not have access to therapists or external help. I had no choice but to become strong myself or to suicide because of no hopes left.
So, I started reciting affirmations, “I AM PEACEFUL”, “EVERYTHING IS OKAY”, “I AM IN GOOD HEALTH”, every day. These really helped me a lot. There were times when I cried my eyes out. But through all these times, I became strong.
2. Mental health comes before anything.
Let me put this again,
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH COMES BEFORE ANYTHING. PERIOD.
If you think getting lots of money will always keep you happy or bearing the toxicity of your partner is going to keep your heart healthy, you are wrong.
Treat your mental health the same way you treat a viral infection, with patience, love, and care.
3. Being patient with your self is the best form of self love.
Imagine if I had given up on myself, I wouldn’t be as strong mentally and emotionally as I am now.
But I was patient with myself.
I knew it was just a phase and God has allowed me to grow in life.
My depression was a minor one and I got okay with positive affirmations, praying to God every single day, and finding a strong passion for writing.
But I also want to say, that just because I got hands-on treatment from myself on this, it might not always be the case.
“3.5% die from suicide every year because of depression.”
It is real. You never know what is going in a person’s head when he laughs at every joke or cries at little happenings.
So please, treat people with kindness. And if you can not do something good for people, please at least do not try to bring them down.
“It might be a fun thing for you to do, but it can be the reason someone takes his life.”
I would love to hear your stories if you ever felt the same and what you think about depression.
Cheers!
