What is your attachment style?
Have you ever been told you are too sensitive or you feel you get anxious or nervous for the trivial things, or you are too clingy? Have you ever wondered why you attract certain people in your life, be it life partner, friends or colleagues?
Chances are being a human we certainly experience one or more of these things, that is what is human being is all about , experiences. But certain experiences leave us question ourselves why did I have to go through that much of turmoil or have the same experiences. And we reflect and judge ourselves to take blame and conclude that something is wrong with us.
Turns out it is all in our personality, we form from the time we are born. It is called Attachment style.
Attachment style refers to the way individuals relate to others in emotional bonds or relationships, particularly in the context of close interpersonal relationships. The concept of attachment styles was developed based on attachment theory, which was initially introduced by John Bowlby, a British psychologist, and later expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth.
Attachment theory suggests that early experiences with primary caregivers, especially during infancy and early childhood, play a crucial role in shaping an individual’s expectations, beliefs, and behaviours in relationships. The theory identifies three primary attachment styles:
- Secure Attachment:
- Individuals with a secure attachment style typically had caregivers who were consistently responsive to their needs.
- They feel comfortable with intimacy and autonomy, have positive views of themselves and their partners, and can effectively manage emotions in relationships.
- Securely attached individuals generally have healthy relationship patterns, trust their partners, and are comfortable with both emotional closeness and independence.
2. Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment:
- Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style often experienced inconsistent caregiving, with caregivers being sometimes responsive and sometimes not.
- They may worry about their partner’s availability and fear abandonment. This can lead to heightened sensitivity to relationship dynamics, a desire for constant reassurance, and difficulty trusting that their needs will be consistently met.
3. Avoidant Attachment:
- Individuals with an avoidant attachment style may have had caregivers who were emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to their needs.
- They often value independence and autonomy, might struggle with emotional intimacy, and may find it challenging to rely on others or to be relied upon. They may prioritize self-sufficiency and downplay the importance of emotional connection.
Conclusion
Even though Attachment Styles are developed in infancy and formed in childhood, it is not set in stone, with awareness and knowledge we can work towards being more securely attached. This is exciting to know that we can form meaningful relationships, and is in our control and we can work on our personalities to achieve that.
Thank you for reading.
Resources from :
Books :
The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships,
Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the Science of Adult Attachment can Help You Find
