Why did his unforgettable first love keep him from marrying for the rest of his life?
Zeigarnik memory effect
Through the ages, the days and months have passed. How many crazy men and resentful women have had their first love bloom for various reasons but to no avail, and they have missed and resented them all their lives!
Why is first love unforgettable? Why are memories always sweet? Why can’t I let go of my first love and can’t tolerate other people, so I never marry?
All this can only be explained clearly by using the Zeigoni effect.
The Zeigarny effect is also called the Zeigarnik memory effect. To avoid confusion, this article will only call it the “ Zeigoni effect “.
The Zeigoni effect is a memory effect: it means that people are more impressed by things that have not yet been processed than by things that have been processed. For example, the first love you never got can never be forgotten. The unfinished work is left there, and I always feel crazy.
In layman’s terms, it also means that what you can’t get is always the best and the most unforgettable, so you can never forget or let go of it in your heart.
When the person in your heart cannot be replaced by anyone, the door to love is permanently closed.
There is such a story: many years ago, there was such a poor boy who fell in love with a lady from a wealthy family. From the beginning, because of the unequal family background, his heart could no longer accommodate other women.
As time went by, this poor boy could not let go of his obsession with this beautiful lady. Because this kind of longing and love was too painful, the poor boy left his hometown far away.
Many years later, that poor boy has become a multi-millionaire. But I still can’t forget that lady. I went back to my old place to look at the person I had been dreaming about back then, and I realized that the lady among us ladies had become too old to recognize. She sat around picking her nose and sitting around. She was very different from the person I had fantasized about for most of my life!
I let it go in an instant, but my life has been delayed. I have never been married, never enjoyed the sweetness of marriage, have no children, and have never enjoyed the joy of a family!
I will regret for the rest of my life, and my parents will also regret it for the rest of my life! I don’t know that they look at other people’s sons and daughters and their virtuous wives! How they feel!
Look, everyone, this is an extreme form of the Caigoni effect, because what you can’t get is the best, and you can’t let it go! As a result, a lifetime of happiness was delayed!
Such a man is the best! Trapped in my own psychological circle and unable to get out. If you cannot look at these things objectively, your whole life will be involved! In fact, a person’s life is to live with one thought, to be able to think back when things happen, to think flexibly, to be able to think through everything, and not to be alone in his old age, lamenting his own shadow on the wall!
The lesson this story gives us is: No matter what happens, if you are halfway through and cannot continue due to subjective or objective reasons, you must first fully investigate and fully understand the situation to see what the outcome will be. When you find that you need to brake suddenly, Be determined to brake in time.
Although I can’t forget it in a short time, I won’t be able to let it go for a while, and even when I force myself to forget, I will feel heartbreaking pain! Then you have to step out. Because in one sentence, the road ahead is much longer than the road we have traveled!
The Zeigoni effect often leads to two extremes in our lives. The first is obsessive paranoia, which requires that you have to finish your work at any time before you can do other work. Otherwise, I will go crazy.
However, if you are forced to stop halfway due to various reasons, you will fall into thinking about this thing and be unable to extricate yourself, just like the sad story above.
In fact, the above story belongs to the first extreme case of the Zeigoni effect. We can do this:
If you are so obsessed with work that you can’t stop, you need to think carefully about what is wrong with your mental state.
Learn more and know your own heart as much as possible. Improve awareness and cognition, fully understand yourself, and improve inner cultivation.
Continuously improve your own values, increase your understanding of things, and stop losses in time. Able to make quick decisions and make quick decisions!
If you encounter various sabotages in the middle of things and cannot achieve the results, so that you cannot come out, you must strengthen your willpower and increase your control.
Set a small goal first, start with small things, don’t rush for success, go step by step! Change your obsessive-compulsive disorder!
Exercise your psychological control ability and be able to let go and get out of trouble! Release all uncomfortable thoughts and empty your heart!
The second extreme of the Zeigoni effect is : doing things in a hurry at the beginning, procrastinating as you do them, always saying that you are not in a hurry, you will do it later.
This is a kind of procrastination. If you procrastinate, you will give up, and you will comfort yourself. This is inherently difficult!
This kind of procrastination may be caused by spending too much energy in the process of forcing yourself to work hard. When it comes to the final charge, you run out of energy and fall on the way to charge! Therefore, in the face of this situation, you might as well set some exercise subjects for yourself, such as: complete the work step by step, and don’t think that you must complete the work in one breath!
First of all, set a basic foundation for yourself, that is, make sure this thing is done no matter how long it takes! This determination is the top priority! Divide a task into several paragraphs to complete!
Look at the problem from your own perspective. If your energy is limited and your attention cannot be maintained for too long, then when doing things, see whether the best time to maintain your attention is a few minutes or tens of minutes, and then work for a few minutes or A few dozen minutes, take a rest, walk, and drink tea! After you regain some energy and concentration, continue your efforts!
Continuously strengthen this kind of training and exercise your endurance to concentrate on doing things!
Everyone must believe that as long as they learn more, understand more, and constantly improve themselves, everyone can perfectly control their own mentality.
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