Why Your Jokes May Be Hurting Your Friendships
Don’t take life too seriously
Don’t take life too seriously.
I used to live by that motto. Adopt a sense of humor and do not take things seriously. Life was simpler in my younger days. The worst thing that could happen to me was failing exams.
I love to crack jokes. I saw my peeps tearing up as they laughed at my jokes. It’s a great ego boost. I donned the label of a funny guy.
Laughter has become the feedback loop for my identity. It became natural. Conversation turns into anticipation, waiting for the next opportunity to slip in the next joke. I don’t remember half of the conversation and was more focused on my own jokes. This creates a disconnection with my friends.
They stopped sharing their lives with me. At one point, I didn’t even know my friends got into a relationship until I saw it on social media.
Joking has also become a way for me to be emotionally detached from my own feelings. I was numbing my emotions because I was failing at my grades, social life, and extracurricular activities in school. For a long time, my emotion spectrum hovered between anger and laughter.
At first, I made the problem about them. I blamed my friends for being distant and unappreciative. I felt misunderstood and isolated, convinced they were unappreciative of my humor.
My girlfriend got fed up and asked me to stop being a jerk. I was angry, but confused. It took time to realize that my lack of sensitivity was creating a barrier. Which prevents genuine connections and emotional intimacy.
In hindsight, I was masking my emotions in a difficult situation. Without showing your vulnerability, people are not able to have a connection with you.
It took me some time to learn to switch between seriousness and humor. If you can’t take other people’s words seriously, neither will they.
In a social work setting, it can be challenging to shift away from work conversations during breaks.
To foster deeper connections during breaks, I would approach a colleague. Be aware of the book or a hobby-related item on their desk. By asking about their interests outside of work, you create a more meaningful connection beyond our work environment.
I went to a stand-up comedy club last night. On the stage, the host came up to the closest table and asked a young, polished guy, Nick, what his job was. Nick knew his assignment immediately. He said he’s a factory worker, which is not far from the truth. The comedian made a joke on time. Everyone had a good laugh. The comedian starts digging deeper, and everyone is invested in the conversation.
Instead of rapid-firing jokes like the other comedians that come after, he went and built a connection with the audience and time for his comedic entry.
A joke is a powerful conversation starter. But timing is key.
I started to listen instead of anticipating what the others were saying. letting other people be the main characters in their conversation. When you listen, you can connect people’s hopes and fears.
When others take your words seriously, you feel respected and valued. It boosts your confidence and motivates you to perform at your best.
Likewise, having a sense of humor is a great life skill. Like fishing, it’s important to know when to tug and loosen the hook.
A good conversation begins by focusing on the other person. Self-aware individuals will reciprocate and turn the conversation back to you.
