All problems from childhood: true or a pathetic attempt to justify our failures
The main character of a famous novel “Conversations with friends”, written by a young Irish writer Sally Rooney, is suffering from low self-esteem. Her ego has always been an issue for her. She doesn’t like her body and sometimes hurts herself. Moreover, she wants her lover to do harm. She envies other people. She can’t decide how to earn money in the future. She believes she has no achievements at her age. Moreover, she is tormented by strong pain due to a disease.
What are the causes of the problems Frances faces with?
The author describes that her parents are divorced and her farther is an alcoholic. Her family is kind of a dysfunctional family. Her father often has “moods”.
Can problems in family influence on children in a severe way? Is it possible for a child brought up in a dysfunctional family to become an absolutely emotionally healthy person or not? Will these family issues cause problems in their future lives? Sally Rooney made me consider these questions again.
It is certainly true that there are no perfect families. There can be argues and other problems. However, they are temporary, by contrast with dysfunctional families.
Children have immature mind and their personality is in process of formation. When children watch violence, alcoholism, drug-addicted people, they experience fear and get trauma. They don’t feel safe in such families.
It will eventually have a harmful effect that extends to their adult life. Unconsciously, they will bring this fear to their future life. Victimized adults tend to attempt escaping their past trauma by practicing more destructive behaviours and repeating the mistreatment that was done to them. Others become neurotic and sometimes don’t understand the reasons behind it. Such adults have difficulties in forming and sustaining friendly relationships and keeping a positive self-esteem.
People suffering from constant fear should consider whether these psychological problems are connected with toxic relationships and destructive actions of parents in their childhood. I would like them to understand that it’s not their own «baggage», make them feel free from this bundle of memories. They should break the vicious circle and not pass it to their own children.
