Because you never asked: why I left Facebook for 8 weeks
For days/months/weeks/years, whenever I checked Facebook first thing in the morning, I would always say to myself, “Why am I checking Facebook?? This is just going to waste 10 minutes, valuable time when I could be brushing my teeth, or putting on pants.” But I did. And I would silently moan and groan in disgust while doing it. Sometimes I’d laugh. And many times, I would “like”. But I would still moan and groan silently. It’s not like you would know if you saw me doing it. It’s silent.
I think I stopped going on FB because it just made me feel…like shit. The shittiest of shit. The shit other shits see, and say, “Shit, look at THAT shit! Glad that’s not me!” And it maybe has to do with this whole FoMO thing, or something like it. “Fear of Missing Out”, that thing where I question whether ‘of’ deserves a letter in the acronym. FoMO, per something online that someone wrote:
Fear of missing out or FoMO is “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent”. This social angst is characterized by “a desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing”. FoMO is also defined as a fear of regret, which may lead to a compulsive concern that one might miss an opportunity for social interaction, a novel experience, profitable investment or other satisfying events. In other words, FoMO perpetuates the fear of having made the wrong decision on how to spend time, as “you can imagine how things could be different”.
This is the fuckin’ evil bullshit that exists in this world today. And I hate it. HATE IT. Because, as much as I want to say it doesn’t affect me, it does. We share all kinds of stuff on Facebook, and social media sites, in general. But it seems on Facebook, we share a specific category of things: stuff that give me a self-esteem boost. People live for “likes”. It’s sad, but true. We all want it. We all want someone to like us. And so we post things that we know will get likes. We post cool things we did. We post expensive things we bought. We post experiences that we had, that you can’t have, because you’re not us. And while we hope that doesn’t make you jealous, we know, down deep, that flaunting all the awesome things we have done/purchased will inevitably make someone question their existence. “Steve is eating an orange push-up?? Oh, come on. WTF. I’m just sitting here looking at my phone. I don’t have a push-up. My life sucks.” Yes, it does suck. Because some stupid update on some stupid website just made you feel like you’re not a good person.
Back in the day, we used to talk to each other. Friends would meet up, we’d kick back, have some conversation. We’d talk about our vacation (maybe even break out the slide projector!), we’d talk about recipes we’ve made, we’d talk about how we just bought a Lamborghini Huracán. And we did this on a one-on-one basis.
“Steve! What’s up!”
“Hey Carl, I gotta show you this!” *opens garage*
“Holy shit, Steve, is that a 2016 Lamborghini Huracán?!?”
“No, it’s a 2014.”
“Oh. But still!”
“I know, right?!? I just said, “I’m doing it.” And I bought one!”
“That’s awesome! Can I drive it?”
“No.”
“Can I get a ride in it?”
“No. You can’t. But you can look inside and stuff!”
*opens the door* “Man, this is so cool. *closes the door* “You hungry? Let’s go pick up a pizza with the Huracán.”
“You’re not riding in it. We’ll get delivery.”
That’s what we did…THEN. Nowadays, we let close friends AND every single person in the universe know that we got Lamborghini Huracán like this…
…AND we show off our gaudy expensive watch, too. #weareassholes #luxurylife
Why do we do this? Why are we showing off? Why are we trying to let people know that our lives are awesome, and hope they acknowledge it by clicking that heart or “like” button? Did we see someone first do this online, and then decide that, in order to not feel shitty, we would do the same thing? I don’t think it works like that, but I understand.
I have low self-esteem. I know. It’s not that low, but it’s there. And really, it only comes out when I look at what others are doing in life…which is basically Facebook every single day. I can’t help but be bombarded by pics and status updates, showing how people I know are living the hashtag best life ever. Even if it’s completely fabricated, it’s still there, sending that message.
This study looked at this situation specifically. In Keeping up with the e-Joneses: Do Online Social Networks Raise Social Comparisons?, they conclude:
After controlling for the possibility of reverse causality, our results suggest that SNS [Social Network Site] users have a higher probability to compare their achievements with those of others. In Western countries, this leads individuals to a lower satisfaction with their economic conditions.
Yeah, that’s the stuff. And for me, at least, it’s not just economic conditions. It’s everything. Everyone is doing stuff that…maybe…I should be doing…? I’m not going to lie. I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing. And that’s the kicker. How DO we know what we’re supposed to be doing? Is there any definitive body that is supposed to tell us what we’re doing? Is there an outline for milestones in your life that you’re supposed to reach within a certain time frame? There isn’t? There isn’t. Sure, there’s good ol’ fashioned social/peer pressure. That’s been around a long time. But back in the day, that social pressure, for instance, telling you that you need to own a wet/dry vac by the age of 34, was exerted by people around us, like close friends and family members. “You don’t have a Shop-Vac™?!? How are you gonna vacuum up sawdust from woodworking??” “I don’t woodwork, Uncle Don.” Now, it’s much worse. Millions of people worldwide on social networks are indirectly pressuring us to live up to a standard that we didn’t even know existed 20 years ago. #superrichclub
I used to be okay. I remember an early time in industrial design school, a new guy came to the program, and we were talking about projects once after class. He was saying how he was kind of intimidated by the other student’s projects, because he had a background in graphic design, he wasn’t as experienced in doing industrial design work. I remember replying, “Yeah, I get intimidated, too. But I just focus on my stuff, what I’m doing, and I try not to get caught up comparing my project to everyone else’s. I just focus, knowing I’m doing good work.” And now, I have no idea where that guy went. No, not the new guy. I think he’s in Korea now. No, me, from back then. I think he’s dead. Or maybe he got lost, because all I can see is what other people are doing. And all I can comprehend from the barrage of images is that I should be doing what everyone else is doing. And if I’m not, then I’m shit. The shit other shits see, and say, “Shit, look at THAT shit! Glad that’s not me!”
So why did I come back to FB? Because you can’t run away from stuff that makes you feel shitty. Shitty stuff is always out there. But maybe, I can focus on my own stuff, and doing my own thing, like I did before. It’s going to be really difficult. But maybe…it won’t be so bad…? Not gonna lie, kinda scared. Maybe I’ll figure out how to filter this stuff in my head…? Maybe I’ll be able to laugh off all the humblebrags? Maybe. We’ll see.
