How to Master Emotional Intelligence for Overcoming Defeat

Begin by eliminating excuses and complaining.

Photo by Andrew Ly on Unsplash

Get up! Get up, right now. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop searching for excuses. Get your butt moving. There’s work to do and a life to live that is far better than wallowing in disappointment or worse yet — despair. Consider this your personal, digital kick in the pants.

Heck of an intro, huh?!

Well, for me, laziness and motivation are personal. For years of my life, I pissed away time and let life take me on a wild ride by the seat of my pants. The result? Lost opportunities, mostly. I met some great people, had a lot of fun and made money, but I missed out on additional chances to do what I believe I’m called to do:

Bring value to the lives of others through my writing, speaking and coaching.

My question for you is, what is your calling? What’s that thing you’ve possibly put off by losing focus?

We all have to live life and get knocked down — we all have to fail — if we’re ever going to learn something about ourselves. But it’s important that we reduce these very real experiences, to mere moments. When these times become prolonged periods of struggle and bitterness, they lead to troubling emotions like envy and hate. Worse yet, they progress toward inactivity and laziness.

Our goal should be to work intelligently, with consistency, and to repeat this process so that it becomes a part of our repertoire. We increase in muscle strength and memory as we take more repetitions! We become competitive with ourselves and more refined in the way we think about ourselves and all opportunities we pursue. As I’ve written previously:

This takes effort, courage and love. We can lift the spirits of others by being kind and unselfish, two of the foremost qualities that let people know we care. We will avoid laziness. We can go half-way. Or three-quarters of the way. But we’ll only ever meet with mediocre results that way.

Maybe you know what I mean. All of us make mistakes. All of us fail. It’s entirely possible, we’re in the midst of another mistake in some part of our life, right now. But that’s no reason to get down. It’s cause for inspiration, an impetus and call to rise above of our shortcomings and create an ending that culminates in victory.

Working Through

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” — Oprah Winfrey

I’ve worked in far too many jobs that did not excite me, which is ultimately what inspired me to write about those experiences and continue the search to find my passion of writing. I failed, at times, because I didn’t always give 100%. Some days, I called in sick because I was tired, I wasn’t motivated enough or I didn’t take great enough pride in fulfilling my job duties.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t look back with disappointment at those actions, yet I’m also accepting of the fact that it happened. Now, I’m wiser, more mature and better prepared for any challenge I face. I know the cost of not performing at my best all the time. It’s a lifetime of disappointment.

I’ve learned this through emotional intelligence, self-awareness and empathy. These are things all of us can use to our advantage.

We have to get up and see what our present and future hold. If every time we fall down, we complain, get stuck and blame others, we’ll never grow. Excuses can grow higher than weeds in a spring garden, but they’ll never bring us clarity or optimism for the “next try.”

Michael Jordan is famous for saying this empowering quote:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

If the greatest basketball player ever failed “over and over and over again,” I think it’s safe to say that part of failing is redemption — the opportunity! — to get up again and give it our all. Your first idea for launching a content marketing business may have failed. So what? Maybe you need a more creative, attention-grabbing website. Maybe, you need a better business plan.

Or what about if you’re trying to lose some weight to slip into your wedding tuxedo or dress, but you can’t seem to find success? Try something new. But don’t stop believing there’s a way. Get up!

Learning and Maturing

“Maturity is the ability to reap without apology and not complain when things don’t go well. “ — Jim Rohn

As I’ve grown, I’ve learned that a major part of maturity is understanding the value of giving our all in every circumstance. I write a lot about the “grind,” which is ironic because when I used to think of “the grind,” I thought of living the rat-race of competition, seeing people practically step all over each other just to get a second ahead.

But “the grind” isn’t about elbowing someone out of our way to get the “6” train downtown, or cutting someone off on the Beltway to barrel toward the off-ramp. We should NEVER be concerned with running someone else’s race or living someone else’s life. The grind isn’t about hoarding material rewards or gadgets. The grind is all about maximizing our energy, focus and output to create the life we want.

What’s got you down? What’s holding you back. Get up! Keep moving forward and find your next journey. Tell me how the view is, once you get to the top.

Get a head start on your New Year Goals!

Contact me via my website here and join my newsletter to get an insider view on how to use emotional intelligence to create the career you want.


Literary Comfort Food for the Soul

Christopher D. Connors

Written by

Author, Executive Coach & Emotional Intelligence Speaker; Seen on Fox, ABC, CNBC, etc.;



Authentic, inspirational stories of growth with practical guidance to help you live a happier, successful and more fulfilling life. No fluff. No filter. R3AL.

Christopher D. Connors

Written by

Author, Executive Coach & Emotional Intelligence Speaker; Seen on Fox, ABC, CNBC, etc.;



Authentic, inspirational stories of growth with practical guidance to help you live a happier, successful and more fulfilling life. No fluff. No filter. R3AL.

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