A First Look At Difficult People

In life we cross paths with difficult people as we travel alongs. No matter who we are, we can’t always avoid the tornado paths of those kind of people. Sometimes those people are bearable, with difficulties so minor that we can usually handle crossing their paths often.

On the contrary, there are also difficult people whose difficulties traits are thunderous and chaotic. Dealing with them, or the sight of them causes stomach to churn.

We do not always get a choice of avoidance with every difficult person, so, I find it imperative to try to learn ways on how to deal with these thorns in our sides.

While reading on the Uplift Connect site, I found a good piece about dealing with difficult people calling it,“ditch the drama.” The focus was on struggles with difficult people in our lives.

It was a step by step approach on how to not be on the receiving end of a difficult person’s chaos. I wanted to share some of my own thoughts based off what I learned after reading it.

After reading on this topic both with Uplift and other outlets, I started learning just how much I was affected by difficult people. I finally realized I myself was not always an actual difficult one. I also have begun to notice several different types of difficult people out there. With a vast array of categories.

Luck (or bad luck rather) can’t always be dodged. Difficult people will eventually come across us in life. I can learn a lot and relate a lot to the UpLift philosophy they developed. By sharing their words, and giving my own input on how I relate, I hope that it can help somebody out there like it helped me.

One of my most favorite techniques for dealing with difficult people, is the advice of minding our business. I never usually connected that advice to this type of problem, but now I think it’s great.

My problem in the was often being involved in the latest social drama. It seemed like I would never get unravelled from that immature life. Only now, after learning that minding our own business is a step towards dealing with the negative people, do I see how right, that advice really is.

This relates because when we are not minding our own business, and involved with drama both with real friends and fake friends, we most certainly attract the worst of the worst, when it comes to negative or difficult people. Afterall, the chances are much greater that a difficult person will pop up in an already toxic social circle.

When in a chaotic world of rumors and carrying tales, we will likely not find mature, heathy, supportive people. We’re also basically wearing a huge sign that says, “difficult people, here i am!” Stick to a healthy social circle, small and tight.

Don’t glue yourself to anyone or anything that most likely, will steal your peace.

Another point I liked is the idea of “keeping clear boundaries.” Most of us likely agree that we all have personal boundaries that are best when not tested or altered.

Boundaries whether physical, mental, or emotional if broken, or not respected, can turn situations, even the smallest, into something big and bad.

I recently learned a great phrase that sums up the boundary theory. That is, it has been stated often that being a spiritual person, does not mean we must remain, quiet, naive and pushed around. God is not about people being door mats.

Don’t be a dumping ground for a difficult person’s verbal diarrhea.

Maintaining some kind of mature decency is not to be mistaken for condoning negative treatment or behaviour. We still have a God given right to stand up for ourselves, and it even means sometimes standing up for someone else, or something else.

There’s nothing wrong with it, and it’s not something that can be looked at as anything less than using a bit of courage.

We will find that there is always going to be someone out there whose self absorbed conceitedness is the trait of theirs that blackens everything, and there is nothing we can do to fix it. At the end of the day, it’s not our duty to fix it anyway.

As we see, dealing with difficult people is just as much about us, as it is about the person we are trying to deal with. It may sometimes even be more about ourselves.

We have to do a lot of “self” work, as difficult people can end up often unknowingly being great lessons teachers. One of the biggest of those lessons is a true reminder that we cannot play the victim as often as we may.

Both in scenarios with difficult people, and even scenarios beyond them. The irony in being a self proclaimed victim, in itself can evolve into someone who ends up just becoming another difficult person themselves.

If we play a victim, the performance we’re playing is often a mask that underneath hides a “giving away” (sometimes subconsciously) of our own right of choice. An attempted shortcut in accepting everyday responsibilities. We all have a right to make everyday, reasonable choices for ourselves.

We never have to give our control over to anyone else.

The word that I have been thinking of as I sit here typing this article is the word Anchor. It’s normally a word used to describe people, but the word keeps ringing in my head. I think I know where it fits now.

Looking at this subject of Dealing With Difficult People, it makes me say to myself that I don’t want to be used as an anchor. When being the victim, or the doormat of a difficult person, we are essentially anchoring ourselves into that negative world, where we give away our own self control.

Looking back at my own experiences with these type of people, it really does seem like I had a lack of control, when being on the receiving end of a difficult, negative person.

Once we give away or let go of our own self control, we risk losing respect, dignity, and an ability to stand up to someone when we need to. I say to everyone out there, as we go through our day to day lives, we may lose and gain so many different things. Friends, experiences, love, respect, happiness, etc etc.

The one thing that we must hold onto all the time, no matter the situation, is our own control. As long as our control is in our hands, we can always keep the qualities that represent what is good about us.

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A primer on becoming a more resilient person, stories of recovery and resilience, and resources for living a more joy-filled life.

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Michael Patanella

Michael Patanella

Author, Publisher, and Editor. I cover mindfulness, mental health, addiction, sobriety, life, and spirituality among other things. MichaelPatanella.medium.com

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