How Much “Me Time” Is Enough?
Striking a balance when it comes to Me versus We
According to NPR, about three in five Americans are lonely. Loneliness is on the rise — and why? All indications say it has something to do with social media.
The world has never been more connected. Ironically, people have never felt so alone.
But it makes sense.
Instead of in-person interaction, we resort to on-the-phone communication.
We shuttle ourselves (or rather our eyes) between Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and Twitch. (Have I missed any?)
We scroll, swipe, and type, all in the comfort of our homes. It gets the job done and is stimulating to boot. Why should it be any different?
COVID-19 hasn’t exactly helped to promote getting together, but it sure seems like we all have a greater appreciation for what we’ve been deprived of for well over a year now.
That being said, shouldn’t we have that appreciation already? Shouldn’t we know how important and fulfilling a real, not virtual, social life can be?
Check this statement out from Medical News Today —
“Social interaction should be considered an important factor for extending lifespan, on a par with other health and lifestyle factors, to the extent that low social interaction harms longevity as much as alcoholism and smoking, has more impact than lack of exercise, and is twice as harmful as obesity.”
Are you saying that destroying my kidney with drink and my lungs with cigs aren’t as bad as being a loner? That I can sit around and eat crap and still be better off than someone who’s by themselves all the time?
It’s true.
On top of that, in this famous TED Talk, the key to long-term happiness is identified not as material wealth or social status. It’s the quality of your relationships.
As an introvert without many friends, I find this daunting. I feel that it’s just not in my nature to be out with others constantly. I take pleasure in solitude. I prefer harnessing my own energy instead of having to deal with the energy of those around me (which can be an unwinnable battle in some scenarios).
I personally have never fit into groups.
Among a handful of people, it’s not uncommon for me to wonder what my role is, if any, and how I could be spending my time in a way that satisfies me more.
A lot of the activities I enjoy (writing, reading, drawing) are done within my four walls. I don’t have to seek out someone else, somewhere else, to have fun or be understood.
There is certainly a stigma around being friendless. You’re not cool if you have very few friends. If you have none at all, then you’re really unworthy of respect.
As you get older, though, this stigma isn’t as strong. You’re not in school where you’re surrounded by others. It’s an effort to connect in the adult world. Besides the workplace, where can you consistently forge friendships?
Per this blog, the average amount of “me time” is anywhere from 20 minutes to a few hours. It all depends on your lifestyle and schedule, but that range sounds healthy, not to mention normal.
For me it’s flipped — I’m devoting 20 minutes to a few hours to friends and family, and the rest of the day I’m all by myself. As such, I’m in the minority, which means I might be going about this all wrong.
For the sake of my wellbeing, maybe I should tip the scales and socialize more. Maybe I should get out of my comfort zone and extend my feelers to members of my community. If it can improve my quality of life, why not?
Now I make myself hold longer conversations with the baristas at Starbucks that consist of more than just “please” and “thank you”. I make myself accept invitations to drink and play laser tag and just laze around at the park (provided the sun is shining). I make myself an active member of my community — and the world at large — instead of being inert, even if that’s more me.
It’s like force-feeding myself food that doesn’t appeal to my palate but is good for me. And who knows? Doing so might become a new habit of mine that will pay off in the long run.
So remember:
“Me time” should be there for you to recalibrate and recharge. To take a breath and not have to worry — at least for a little while — about whoever populates your life.
What it shouldn’t be is all your time.
Thanks for reading the Real Life Resilience publication
For more resilience-related content listen to the Real Life Resilience podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or directly from the website. We also have fabulous short videos on the Real Life Resilience YouTube channel.
Stay resilient!
