I’m In Love With My Best Friend
Is friendship romantic?
I’ve never fallen in love. Not in the way you’re thinking. From that perspective, I’ve missed out big time. Have I thought about not participating in one of life’s most popular performances? Sure. More than once, actually.
But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to the realization that much of what we as human beings know and believe in is not what it seems.
In Woody Allen’s Cafe Society, a man makes the wise observation:
“Love is an emotion. And emotions are not rational. You fall in love. You fall. You lose control.”
The giddy rush of emotions and the uncharacteristic behavior most certainly qualify as irrational and uncontrolled. It’d be hard to argue any different. And you know what? That’s the fun of it. That’s precisely why falling in love is so darned amazing.
My first, only ever and current girlfriend was not someone I fell in love with.
If anything, being romantic was a bit of a struggle in the beginning. We started as friends first — as coworkers and then friends, to be more precise. Feelings were the furthest thing from our mind.
She had a type, I had a type. Neither of us were each other’s type, and besides, since we’d met at work, our roles were already defined. It was a professional setting, not a potentially amorous one. Although many people strike up romances in the office, it wasn’t something we ever considered.
Only after we grew close and were spending every waking moment together did we realize — Hey, we might want to be more than just friends.
I guess in that sense our story is typical. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about and long for that emotive explosion. You know, the butterflies, the highs, the lows, the constant surge in your chest. We never had that. Infatuation. We never had infatuation and that caused a lot of doubt and second-guessing.
Are we going about this right? Why aren’t we head over heels? Is this the honeymoon phase, or did we not even have one? Why am I not attracted to you?
These were some of the questions we both grappled with.
I, for one, am impressionable and naive. I’m easily influenced by mainstream media, particularly mainstream romantic media. That being so, it was very difficult for me to come to grips with the fact that I was now “with” my friend.
I don’t know how long it took to shed the platonic skin and inhabit a more romantic one, but it happened. Slowly but surely it did. Physical touch and a unique set of words were soon fixtures of our time together. It wasn’t awkward to kiss, to touch, to hold.
Fast-forward to today, and how things have changed. That old type I used to have? It’s dead. My “new” type is my girlfriend and vice versa.
Back then, we hated our story. It wasn’t the most exciting. It almost felt unnatural and circumstantial. But now we’re quite fond of it and couldn’t imagine having fallen in love in conventional fashion.
At the sound of intense romantic love right from the jump, I’m not envious, not curious. I’m indifferent. At the sound of friendship evolving into something softly — perhaps reluctantly, romantic — I’m more at peace. I understand. I relate.
