Settling in to the Discomfort of Saying No
Biking home on a recent afternoon, approaching a stop-light, a middle-aged guy straddling a bike by the curb waved at me, “My son just went into the emergency room. I’ve got most of the money for a taxi to get there, but need a few more bucks. Can you help?”
He’s on a bike. Why doesn’t he just ride to the hospital? It’s only a 30 minute ride. But what if he really needs it and I don’t give it to him? What if I was in his shoes and I needed help? Aren’t I supposed to give whenever anyone asks? It’s not just thoughts, but my insides are oozing, burning and pulsing uncomfortably and I want it to stop.
In theory, the easiest way to stop it is to say yes. But then I wonder, Am I really helping him or am I just teaching him he can get money for making up a guilt provoking story?
Perhaps no question has plagued me more throughout my life than how to handle requests for money on the street. I’ve had times of saying yes to everyone and times of saying no to everyone. At the moment, I’m on a no kick because I’m troubled by giving out of guilt rather than from my heart.
I forced myself to look him in the eyes, smile, and say, “I’m sorry. I can’t,” in a tone of voice that tried to convey love and genuine remorse. I think he’d rather have the money.
