The Perks Of Being A Loner
How — and why — you should be alone
Being alone isn’t looked well on. Being a loner? Even less so. Going from being alone to being a loner is a smooth transition for some, particularly when you see the perks of being a loner.
For me, spending lots of time alone is great if you want to hear yourself think. Outside noise drowns out your own voice, and in some instances, your voice starts sounding the same as theirs.
When you’re surrounded by others, it’s hard to parse your thoughts apart from everyone else’s.
When I’m alone, I feel like I’m
a) not obligated to harness energy not my own
and
b) able to clarify what I want and what I need.
It doesn’t always happen, but when I’m out with friends or family, I often find myself falling in step with them. I say and express things that aren’t me. Why? It’s human nature.
Alarm bells go off in our head when we sense that we’re swimming against the current.
I’m also much, much more productive when alone. Productivity on side projects and such things may not be a priority for some people, but for me it is. I stress out when a day passes without me having done something, like read a book, exercise or write a Medium article.
Maybe I’m just cursed, but having dinner and drinks out all night kind of rubs me the wrong way. What I mean to say is that I can’t stand it — unless I’ve used the morning and afternoon to work on me. It’s selfish, from that perspective. I can only give my time after I’ve first given it to myself.
But really, is that so wrong?
I frequently reflect on life. As I grow older, I’ll have more responsibilities and less time, and in the end, it’s only me. I have to be at peace with who I am and what I did. Regret will wrap its tentacles around me unless this peace is within me.
That idea niggles at me, which may be why I’m so obsessed with maximizing what time I do have now (while my responsibilities are few and far between).
I’m not calling a social life unimportant. Not a chance. It’s enjoyable and you can learn and grow so much when you’re putting yourself out there. But socializing is time-consuming and, on some occasions, energy-draining.
If you have a fair amount of hobbies and passions, socializing on regular basis can take away from them.
Something else I appreciate about being alone is that it makes your non-alone time matter. Since I’m alone nine out of ten days, say, that tenth day has to really count for me, meaning I’ll be choosy about who it’s spent with and what we’re doing.
If you’re constantly out with your friend(s), you won’t value them and the act of being out as much. But if it’s only a once in a while kind of thing you do, it’s that much more special, and you’ll really relish it.
I actually did a mini experiment with this in mind. I went out every weekend for two months straight. Then I reverted to my routine of only going out once in a blue moon. Can you guess which yielded better results?
I did another similar experiment — though this go around, it was to test the limits of aloneness. I didn’t go out for two months straight. While this seclusion wasn’t as withering as it might sound, I very quickly grasped being this alone (being a full-blown loner) wasn’t healthy either.
In the end, we all have to get a feel for how much or how little alone time we want and need. I don’t have the magic formula down for myself quite yet, but as of right now, I’m more in my element, more centered, more at ease and more in tune with the universe when I’m alone. Or yes, when I’m being a total loner.
Thanks for reading the Real Life Resilience publication
For more resilience-related content listen to the Real Life Resilience podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or directly from the website. We also have fabulous short videos on the Real Life Resilience YouTube channel.
Stay resilient!
