From Heartbreak To Healing
How I put the pieces of my life back together after divorce.
My worst nightmare unfolded
In the depths of my worst nightmare, I found myself crushed and broken open, emerging as a person reborn from the fragments of who I once was.
Embracing vulnerability and transparency has been the most courageous thing I have ever done in this lifetime. With those two simple yet profound words, my transformative journey toward healing began, leading me down a path I could never have forged alone.
Vulnerability and transparency became the catalyst for a remarkable metamorphosis, reshaping not just my life but the very core of my being.
I had to confront my reflection in the mirror, learning to love the person staring back at me. It became obvious that before I could extend forgiveness to myself, I had to first master the art of loving myself.
This story intimately shares how my life was transformed by seeing the power of love through my heart ~
A quote by E.E. Cummings has echoed profoundly throughout my healing journey spanning the past nine years.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
As I dove wholeheartedly into my healing journey, I discovered that I would have to have the courage of a lion to embrace and accept my shameful past. Little did I know that courage and self-acceptance would lead the way to finding forgiveness and self-love.
Love, self-acceptance, and forgiveness became my guiding lights, leading me to peace and healing, and liberating me from the chains of guilt and shame.
Without self-forgiveness, it was going to be a difficult journey ahead. I would continue to beat myself up for my human flaws, thinking I was the only person on the planet who didn’t love herself, or even know what that meant.
The scar tissue would keep me from becoming free unless I chose to look at it with loving eyes and heal all that was there.
The Truth Of The Unknown Exposed
The unknown path to healing began when I filed for divorce after 19 years of marriage and raising two beautiful children.
The thought of leaving my husband had been churning inside me for almost a decade.
All the beliefs I had grown up with were being questioned and challenged in my mind and heart. During this painful season of life, I discovered the book called “The Alchemist.”
Reading this compelling story began to change my life page by page and the perspectives I held so dear to me for all my years.
In the pages of that book, I unearthed something truly extraordinary that would alter the very core of my being.
I discovered that my beliefs were not stagnant truths, but unexplored territory yet to be unleashed!
I learned that beliefs were meant to be explored and ventured into.
Revisited.
Dumped and even exchanged for new ones.
They could even be reignited with a new refiners fire.
I was amazed to discover that changing my beliefs was possible!
As I started to question and unravel the lies, I became aware of the profound conditioning that had shaped me.
My Heart Began To Unravel And Broken Open Is Who I Became
Six excruciating years followed my heart-wrenching choice for a divorce, in the heat of menopause with a teenage daughter addicted to drugs and alcohol, and a high school son feeling isolated and abandoned, our family was broken and life crashed unbelievably hard.
My dreams of ‘living happily ever after’ with my husband, children, and future grandchildren, happy retirement, and travel, are all gone.
It was all gone.
The impact of these years following my divorce was beyond words. I could never have imagined the depth of the valleys that were going to take me down over and over again. It was like being trapped inside a turbulent wave that wouldn’t stop. All I could do was come up for air in between thrashing at the shore and being dragged back into the abyss, battered but unbroken.
There was nowhere to go.
Nowhere to hide.
Nowhere to turn….. but inside.
I was feeling so confused that I turned every caution to the wind and lived a life of chaos, and excess partying hoping that the loud beats would drown out the deep turmoil of my heart.
Grief, anger, and hostility consumed me. This behavior shielded me from my vulnerability and offered me some temporary respite.
But the further I ran, the stronger the pain became. I eventually learned that there was no solace amid all that madness and I had to turn to God and prayer to find the answers. I was desperately seeking the person who I had lost inside all those lonely years of marriage.
“I yearned for my unspoken voice and freedom for my soul”
The Voice In My Head
Then one day it happened.
I heard His soft gentle voice speaking to me.
I was being called to listen in the silence of my room.
I heard the words “Take my yoke and walk with me”.
God was asking me to be still.
To become silent to commune with Him.
In the past, I had pushed His voice aside, and now it seemed to become louder and more persistent.
The more I listened, the more I experienced the freedom of letting go and letting God.
I so desperately needed to release all the sorrow and guilt I was carrying.
Silence And Solitude
As I learned to sit in silence, I would hear His gentle words. I began to understand and learn of the vision he had for my life.
A life of purpose and fulfillment. Something much bigger and on a grand scale.
He was to be my new pilot, and I was the co-pilot, and co-creator with Him. My work was to become more of who he made me to be.
Going through this process of becoming broken open, I realized that HOPE was at my front door and FAITH would accompany me along my journey as a sacred companion.
This is how my story began, listening to that still small voice. And today, I am still writing it.
The calling for my life is my Divine Stewardship, helping lead and guide women into their hearts and souls so they can thrive and love again.
It is my divine destiny, sacred stewardship, my life’s work, and my heart’s passion all woven together.
It’s God’s perfect work.
Before You Go
Inspired by my words? Your comments or a simple clap would genuinely brighten my day! If you’re feeling generous, you can support my work by buying me a virtual ‘coffee.’
This article was creatively written from my mountain home in Northern California — ❤️
