All My Boyfriends Hate Me!
Who knew friendship could be disastrous?
I started this year with a goal of friendship — first time I've done that — and that goal included keeping my three closest friends and dating my crush.
Oh well, this is an update!
I’ve love two of them to silence, and I have two left.
Who knows?
Maybe something awkward will happen, and I would end the year feeling like a bigger loser than I feel now.
Bad days are not meant to last, yet here I am.
I don't remember if this was my longest bad day, but it was definitely my longest bad day streak.
Of course, I smiled and enjoyed moments in between, but I can not help but just highlight and only notice this.
The negatives that make me so want to cry right now.
Again, I am sad, I feel emotional, and I want comfort, one I wouldn't be getting anymore from my favorite person.
Why?
Oh well, it so turns out that he just realized how draining and complicated I can be, and he doesn't want to deal with my tantrums and everything that has to do with me anymore.
I feel bad. I feel so bad that I want to cry.
And I miss him.
I want to text him back, ask him to see me, try to explain things, and sort it out, but it's going to be the same back and forth that he no longer wants to deal with.
I have two of my friends left who do not mind, at least not yet, and I can't help but think and wonder where our disaster is going to come from.
I know it's probably wrong to think negatively, but what is there to look forward to now? Cos I would no longer be getting my favorite hugs from my favorite person to get them from and there will no longer be a place for me to throw tantrums when I want to.
Oops!
Too much sadness and I can not cheer myself up.
I'll be fine, that I know.
Bad days end, and the clouds clear.
But when that cloud finally clears, he won't be there. It'll be just me in my head trying to clear out his space.
You know, it's going to be a very bad breakup, considering the fact that I might have felt more attracted to him than I should a normal friend. But then, who asked him to be such a good person who work his way into my heart?
Anyhow, he's out now.
I mean, he's ripped me out of his (If I had any space there before) and I have to let him go too.
I know that it is not exactly my fault, in the sense that there is no fault. But if we had to bring out a reason for this, it'd be me.
I'm the reason am unhappy. It's because I chose to be all the versions of myself to him.
Funny, sad, lol.
I don't know what to do, but I know that even though that's not a question, there is an answer.
And the answer is to do nothing.
Absolutely nothing!
I wonder how it'll be when next I run into him.
Will he acknowledge me? Am I going to be a stranger, or will he take back everything that he texted me?
Again, I miss him already, and I want his hug and I want him to be there and here for me.
But he doesn't and I won't push him. I should have done things differently if I didn't want us to get here, but I decided not to. And yeah, it's my fault.
