I Can’t Tell If I’m Alright
“How are you?” So uncomplicated. Such a simple phrase. A straightforward question. Yet, the answer has always been elusive, especially lately.
On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rather someone ask me to reveal my darkest secret than expect a “real” answer to the question “How are you?” Half of the time, my response to this query is dictated by social norms. The default answer is, “I’m good.” On days when my world is crumbling, and I can feel the imaginary chaos-induced hellish flames on my skin, I get cocky with my response — “I’m great. You?” I’m in my manifestation era. In the thick of it, I wish myself a better existence. Perhaps that explains why my response contrasts my reality on such days.
I have been actively learning how to honestly answer this simple question — “How are you.” Well, realistically, the kind of sincerity I intend to invoke can only be accorded to those I deem trustworthy enough. The ones I think genuinely care about hearing my truth. Currently, only two, maybe one and a half, people in my life meet that criterion. Yeah, I honestly can’t tell if I’m alright!
It’s been more than two years since I started seeing a therapist. It’s been a great experience that has helped me fast-track the resolution of my past trauma. Nonetheless, opening that Pandora’s Box came with the unexpected gift of “growing pains.” Case in point, accountability to myself and those I consider friends. Through therapy, I have learned I cannot build the kind of community I need and want without opening myself up to love and support. Easy, right? WRONG! When you have a past like mine, riddled with high expectations of self-reliance and stupid Cupid’s sloppy job in the love scene, letting people in is not something that comes easy. But here’s the kicker, you still want to be and feel loved.
So, here I am on a quest to create community. A place outside myself that will feel like home for the first time in possibly my entire life until this point. And the first step is learning how to honestly answer the simple question that has always eluded me, “How are you?”
The task is locked in: Truthfully answer “How are you?” Great. Got it! Now, how to do that? I wonder if there are YouTube tutorials and Google explanations that could help me with that evasive “how” bit. How do I say, “My mental health is improving, but I occasionally experience extremly destabilizing highs and lows? Also, things that came easy to me, like cleaning and organizing, when my mental health was at its worst, are now impossible tasks that take me days, weeks, and sometimes months to complete. Again, I am struggling with deciding what my next step, career-wise, should be. Should I even be chasing this writer’s dream? Am I reaching? With a child to feed, house, clothe and educate, shouldn’t I be considering a more stable income source? How do I sum that up in 5 to10 words that convey the truth of my reality without making it too somber that it ruin’s the mood? I need to follow my response with the casual and conversational, “And you,” without making things awkward.
Perhaps, in the words of Jordy in his song Good Not Great, “I can’t tell if I’m alright” would suffice. It’s true! It’s honest! It gives the listener the liberty to decide whether to indulge you — and you the opportunity to determine if you want to “talk about it.”
I think I found the hack I have been searching for! No wonder my therapist insists on journaling! Huh! That babe is truly on the game!
To sum it up, here are a few great options to truthfully respond to “How are you?”
I can’t tell if I’m alright
Good, not great
I have been better
Okay. A little bit good but not great
I’m praying/hoping for better days.
Go out there and live your truth. Even on your worst days! You deserve to be and feel seen — even if it’s only by yourself!
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