I Don’t Want To Grow Up
Or Maybe I Just Can’t?
Maybe someday, I will grow up.
Today, I still feel like a little kid, vulnerable and a bit scared. I don’t have the knowledge I think I ought to have.
Like, what temperature does chicken have to reach in order to be safe to eat? I ask my phone every time I bake chicken because I am never able to retain it.
Or, is it safe to take Pepto Bismol and Imodium at the same time? Googling drug interactions is a common occurrence. Especially when I’m having bad cramping episodes. Can I take Tylenol if I took Advil 5 hours ago? Is it safe to keep taking Advil, or am I doing the right thing by switching them up?
I don’t really know. I feel like my mom would, even though she had no expertise on the subject. But she watched so much dateline and 20/20 and 60 minutes; surely there was an episode somewhere about the frequency and dosage recommended for pain relievers.
My mom is gone, and so is my maternal grandmother, so I don’t feel like I have a person there to call when I have questions. Like, can I eat this sausage if the expiration date isn’t for a month, but I already opened the package two weeks ago?
My dad doesn’t have the answers. He can tell me some vague stuff about stereotypically masculine topics. Oil changes, tire pressure, plumbing.
But he’s not exactly a handyman and ever since he married into a wealthy family, he has been able to afford experts to help him with his various problems. He doesn’t need to know about pool maintenance because he has a pool guy.
As for the domestic stuff? He never has a good answer.
I have a friend who gets exasperated when I don’t Google things when I have questions. I may as well be talking to that friend when it comes to asking my dad for things.
He and my mother had the same education level, and similar life experience, but for some reason, Mom was an expert on food expiration dates, and Dad didn’t have a clue.
When you’re grown up, you can’t really rely on anyone to help with those things outside your purview. We’re lucky we have the Internet and can search for the answers, but even then sometimes help is hard to find.
Most people I see on social media struggle with #adulting. It’s an all-encompassing term for things like paying bills, getting your car inspected, going to doctor appointments, working, and feeding yourself on a regular schedule.
I feel this struggle as well. In the digital age, we can share more easily how uncertain we feel about being grown-ups. There’s something comforting about knowing you aren’t the only one going through it, but it begs the question: Did Mom and Grandma know what they were doing? Or were they as uncertain as I am now?
There’s a meme I’ve seen a few times. It goes something like, “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Serious life experiences notwithstanding, does this also refer to our collective #adulting problems?
If that’s the case, I know full well the battle everyone is fighting, and it probably has something to do with how to pick out a ripe avocado.
