I Wish I Could Fall into Your Arms
I think, for the most part of my existence, I have seen love as my parents would profess it. Annoyingly, I despised men because my brothers showed me how awful their habits were. So, when I started to become attracted to the opposite sex, it was a late realization after two relationships of the kind of guy I’m attracted to.
The first one was hellish, the second one was a textbook, and I was hoping the third one would be somewhat normal. At least.
And yet, this stupid attraction robbed me of my sanity for the third time.
I realized my type after being single for 5 years and 2 trial runs. Yet, this third one — this guy, Alex, just offered me a chickpea, and here I am going crazy by just looking at his side profile. Before, I got hysterical. Let me introduce you to how I went from being stagnant to a raging girl.
It was about August last year that my school allowed face-to-face classes. My usual routine is to attend classes, stop by the library, and then study intensely in the study hall. It was a sunny afternoon, I was in the study hall, and I was mulling over whether to change seats because the couple in front of me was noisy. Suddenly, this guy asked if there was someone sitting beside me.
I said no. Little did I know, it was by far the most regrettable decision I have ever made. I never knew I could be this hopelessly attracted to someone. Fuck.
He was so majestic. Slender-looking, clean-cut, fair-skinned, sharp jaw, and smiley eyes. He is my type. I was denying it for about 8 weeks and when, by chance, we met at the same hall, I admitted my attraction (to myself), destroying my 5-year streak.
I lost myself in my feelings, waiting for him to drop by the study hall. Even just for 5 minutes, I was truly happy to see his face. Mind you, in the two semesters of mine, I only saw him about eight times.
Yet, every time I saw him, I felt like it could last for a year.
I wish I could fall into his arms. Talking sh*t about professors or choosing what to eat at dinner. I wish I could have the courage to ask you out.
Because I see you at the peak of the mountain that I need to climb. This admiration of mine made me realize how different our worlds are, and I don’t want to bring you into my messy world. I knew that if I had the chance to have you, I wouldn’t let you go.
I was still incomplete, and there are parts of me that I wanted to change before asking you out. You made me feel like I wanted to be a better person. So, I decided that at graduation, I would ask you out.
Sadly, I failed a subject, and I was stuck for another semester, and I watched you graduate without asking you out. Without you knowing. I was at the far end of study hall, watching you leave the same hall — I wished to have fallen into your arms.
If the time is right, if I see you again, I will say, “Hi, I want to fall into your arms. I’m Mary, by the way.”
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