Being an adult is a surreal experience, and I think most people can agree that they never truly feel like a “real” adult. It’s like you wake up one day and suddenly realize you’re under all these responsibilities and expectations.
We all know it’s coming, yet most of us feel it comes suddenly, and we aren’t prepared. I, to this day, still don’t feel entirely like an adult, and truthfully I don’t know if I ever will.
I always used to joke and say I had Peter Pan Syndrome — and yeah, I still love a good comic, replay final fantasy, and to my core, still an Otaku/Disney kid — but still, the older I get, I realize the reality of the world, and it makes me sad and stressed.
Sometimes, I feel like we aren’t living, and it makes me wonder how many others feel the same way. Many of us go through the motions and use our vices to numb the pain. But what happens when even your vices can no longer give you a release from all that anymore? It’s no easy task, and I continue to grow and improve daily.
Most of my adult career was within the restaurant industry, and like many others, I enjoyed drinking after a rough dinner or 14-hour shift. However, it began to take over my life at one point and almost ended everything I knew and loved. It was then I realized it was time for a change. It’s not easy to admit, let alone work through, and honestly, some days, it is hard. I’ve been a person that learns the hard way, and this is no different.
I have a drinking problem. I’m far from perfect, and I live with my mistakes daily. I’ve struggled but learned that no one is perfect and that we all battle our demons.
Drinking for me was an escape and, sadly, something I relied on to “fit in.” Growing up, I never felt like I belonged — even with my few friends, I was still considered too weird and quiet. It’s wild that it took me 13 years and two incidents with the law to see that I was not doing myself or anyone else any favors by relying on my vice.
And as scary as this journey has been, I have never been more grateful and aware of how fortunate I am even to be able to say these words. It is so hard, but the changes that I have been able to make (no matter how small or big they may seem) not only make me feel happy but also like who I truly am.
It’s never too late to change for the better; life isn’t easy — sometimes, it’s incredibly messy — but the mess never sticks, and with enough patience and determination, I genuinely believe ANYTHING can be overcome.
I’m so grateful I’m here and I realized my flaw before it was too late.
I fear that society has made us believe that numbing ourselves with drugs and alcohol will make our problems disappear and get easier, but truthfully, we are kidding ourselves. Drinking is fun, but only if it can be done it responsibly. Seriously, order the ride, and hide your car keys if necessary. Nothing is worth getting into the car with any liquor on your breath. That ends the fun for everyone.
I’ve learned that once you are comfortable within yourself, you don’t need to feel the pressure of fitting in or trying to be more than you are. It’s okay.
No one should feel invisible; if you do, it just means you are not in the right place for yourself, and it doesn’t mean that any other person is better — whether you like hanging out at the bar drinking/sober/or not at all.
We’re all doing our best, and it’s time to realize that even though our vices and distractions feel suitable for a moment, reality continues to move forward. Our choices last a lifetime.
Live life genuinely, live purely and cherish all life. The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) only lasts a moment, but we live with our choices until our last breath. Live the good moments, feel your feelings, and be okay with getting messy.
We all spill, but how you clean up the mess makes a difference.
