Some Choices Determine Your Future for the Worse or the Better
Back in 2009, I was far from imagining my life as I knew it would drastically change. I’ve just arrived in the States, my husband got a great job for a multinational company, and we made the choice to leave France and live abroad. Shortly after I was able to also work. When he had this opportunity to be transferred to Africa for an even better job, with a great salary still for the same company, we decided it was the right move. We had a happy life in the US but we were going to become parents and didn’t want to be under the stress of running around raising kids between work and home, paying for expensive daycare which would maybe force me to stop working. We also had the project of building a clothing brand with an African identity plus, I was quite happy to take a break from my job, so we had many reasons to say YES to leave once again.
Knowing how things unrolled in the space of 10 years, will I make the same choice? Probably not. Would my marriage be standing still? Maybe we would still be committed to each other despite the trials and tribulations of a couple’s life, I don’t know. Sometimes I think yes, and sometimes no because it was probably meant to be this way no matter which part of the world we live in. All the choices and decisions I made led me to the point I am today. Because of these choices and my journey abroad, today I feel like I belong nowhere: not in Africa, not in the US, not even in France where I was born and raised! I’m learning again how to survive in a city that did not wait for me to evolve and set a new tempo. Even if I wanted to run away, because quite honestly right now is just very difficult, where would I go? I’m stuck here with my two kids, little resources, and close to non-existent job prospects because 13 years ago I just dropped everything to follow a man.
Back in the day, I did not pause and think: What happens when things turn sour between us or, God forbids, we part ways? At least I did work when I could, and we built a brand together but I was far from considering separating from him and finding myself in a precarious situation. I was also far from thinking he might just be one of those men who don’t offer support when their ego is bruised. He has always been a generous man and provided for his family throughout his career. I’d have never imagined he could just pretend our needs, especially our kids’ ones, wouldn’t be worth mentioning.
How did we get to that point? Because I decided to leave him, I haven’t been happy for a long time, the disconnection between us became so huge I just couldn’t project a future with him anymore. Again, this life’s decision sealed our fates.
Today I don’t know what to expect from tomorrow. Everything is blurry and unclear, the only thing that I am sure of, is I don’t belong anymore to Africa and the life I had been living for the last 5 years. This is the beauty and cruelty of life: each choice is a gamble, despite appearances you might be lucky at the end or find yourself asking why you decided to go a certain way.
