They Are Not My Past, They’re a Part of Me
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that’s why they call it ‘the present.’’
— Unknown.
When my parents tell me of some incident that happened in their childhood, they usually start with, “I had this friend…” It never occurred to me that they say, “had a friend,” as in past tense — as in they’re not in touch anymore.
Whenever I think of my future, I think of my dreams, which are enjoyable. Although, there is another side I never really thought of. It’s like we are blinded by promised happiness and ignore all the things we will lose. When I think of losing my friends, it feels horrible, like someone slapping my face.
In the present, I have friends, and I can make new friends, but it all feels meaningless when I am required to leave my childhood behind and start a new life.
I’m scared to admit, I am afraid of growing up, because I know I will experience things I don’t want to.
One of the biggest things that anyone (including me) has to leave behind is their lover, or maybe crush. When you watch these American movies about how two high school lovers reunite, get married, and have their own families, it feels amazing.
You start hoping the same might happen to you someday.
That’s until you come to the gutting realization that the possibility of that happening is close to impossible. Sometimes, in some K-dramas, there are these romantic moments between the lead pair that seem too good to be true. That is because they are not true, and I can guarantee you, they will never happen to you.
I’m not sure about you, but I have an odd habit where I imagine my future with my current crush and the usual story is that we get married, have children and well, you know the rest.
But the thought of me and him getting separated eventually just seems so terrifying. It’s similar to a TikTok trend when a couple talks about their future, ever so comfortably. For example, questions like “How many kids do we want?” or maybe “Where do you want to get married?” come up.
It's like you have your life planned out, but then for some reason, you say goodbye to one another and go your separate ways. And when that same girl or boy goes on a date with someone else, the first question they ask is “What’s your favorite color?”
Making them realize they have hit rock bottom and are back to square one.
My Life Right Now
I honestly despise it when my parents tell me to forget about my old friends and start fresh. Some people might need a fresh start, but for people like me, who already have the people who make them happy around them, it’s incredibly tough.
For the last two years, I have been living in London. I made friends, I went to school, and I did everything a normal person would. Everything was fine until my parents told me that we were leaving for India.
I wasn’t the most thrilled about it. In fact, I was miserable.
Back then, leaving my life behind felt so unrealistic. But just like the rest of the world, I had to deal with it. Eventually, I moved to India, and in the first year, any thought of London would get me bawling for hours. I even drew pictures of all the trees and houses on the way to my old school.
(Yes, I remembered everything).
Things changed in my second year at my current school, CS Academy. I was starting to enjoy my life, or so I thought. The worst part about liking my new life was that it made me feel guilty.
How could I forget about London, how could I just move on.
Gradually, all the happiness that I felt in London, started to drift back, until eventually, I was satisfied. I was ready to admit, I was happy. I still miss my old life, but I am glad I got to experience a new one. I probably shouldn’t say ‘Old life’, It would seem like it is of no value to me.
All the people I have met, talked to, and made friends with before, are not my past. They are still a part of my memories and always will be. Maybe I will change my mind in the future, maybe I won’t, I don't give a shit.
But right now, I’m not ready to let go of anything just yet.
