What I Used To Say

A story about what I used to say to God that I would never say now.

Photo by Simran Sood on Unsplash

“Dear God,

I asked for justice, and you didn’t provide it. I asked you for redemption, and it never came. I begged for mercy- for you to get me out of harm’s way, and you didn’t do it. I prayed. I read the Bible. I lead in ministry. Despite not understanding your ways, I continued to live out “the calling” you placed upon my life out of obedience. I have done everything I am supposed to do. And yet, you withhold from me.”

At least, that’s what I used to say…

Before I realized the difference between justice and revenge. Before I understood that God’s mercy never runs out, no matter who you are or what you’ve done. Before I knew that it is God’s grace and sovereignty that convicts us and allows consequences for our actions to take place. Before I believed that I am not the main character in this story that God is writing for all humanity.

That is what I used to say.

“Dear God,

Why did you let this happen?! Where have you been? What have you been doing? What the hell do you want from me?! Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do you even care?!”