When I Let Go and Trust
Just being in the present moment
Life can be pretty flat sometimes. Other times, it’s just so unpredictable. Ups and downs, you know? I can feel these amazing feelings for a while, and then everything just turns into a complete mess. It’s like I don’t deserve to hold on to that happiness a little longer.
These situations can be even worse for a thinker like me. I overthink everything. Yes, everything. I even get extremely restless if the objects on my desk shift just 5cm. I often do silly things like turning off the hallway light when morning comes, only to immediately check if it’s really off just seconds after I’ve switched it off. And I can check it three times or more.
And the worst part is, it’s not just limited to the hallway light. People often refer to this habit as OCD syndrome. I don’t know what that means. I even forget the full form of OCD. I don’t label myself with any syndrome. All I know is that I’m someone who easily gets anxious and worried, a perfectionist who wants everything under control. Ironically, the desire to control everything often makes me feel out of control. It’s incredibly chaotic.
I run an online business as my full-time job. I have an online store that sells various apparel, mugs, bags, stickers, and more. And yes, I create the designs myself. I love art. And I dislike working under pressure. That’s why I work for myself. I enjoy freedom. I work when I want to and take breaks until my energy is fully restored. It’s incredibly flexible. At least, that’s what I imagined right before starting my business.
The Guilt of Rest
In reality, starting my business made me feel guilty if I missed a single day of work. I had this mistaken belief that I had to work every day, all the time. I thought, “If I don’t work hard today, tomorrow will be a disaster.” I pushed myself relentlessly until I felt stressed, frustrated, empty, alone, and isolated.
And the worst part was when I pushed myself that hard, the results often turned out to be disappointing, leaving me utterly let down. And what did I do? I would foolishly work twice as hard as before. It was just plain ridiculous.
Yeah, it’s really absurd. I completely forgot that freedom and flexibility were the initial reasons why I chose to work full-time as a self-employed individual. Instead, I ended up doing the complete opposite. There was no freedom, no vacation time. All I felt was constant pressure, stress, a lack of control, and frustration.
A Journey of Rest and Renewal
One day, I reached a point of mental and physical exhaustion, and I decided to take a break. I prayed, “God, I surrender it all into Your hands. I know that when I take a rest, You take over and do everything for me.” I recalled the books I read about letting go, meditation, and faith. I also remembered a verse from the Bible, Mark 9:23, which says, “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
I began meditating, having fun, and engaging in activities that brought me joy. Often, thoughts like “Hey, lazy person, get up and work!” would still cross my mind. I realized that I hadn’t fully let go at that point. Even though I decided to take a break, I would still frequently check my emails and feel disappointed if there were no notifications of sales in my online store. I would overthink all the worst-case scenarios, and before I knew it, I was stressed… again.
Because I couldn’t bear it anymore and felt like “Even God isn’t doing anything for me,” I went back to work after 2–3 days of “rest.” I worked and worked. Every single day. Trying to control everything. Trying to control the situation and my income. Eventually, I fell ill and became powerless. I had a fever.
Finding Healing Through Surrender: Letting Go of Control and Trusting in a Higher Power
When I was sick, I truly felt like I was resting. At least giving my mind a break from the desire to control the outcomes of my online business. During that time, my focus was solely on getting better because feeling sick and powerless wasn’t enjoyable at all. I often spoke to myself, reinforcing positive energy and words. I completely stopped thinking about the state of my online store, fully letting go. I found myself talking to God more often. I apologized for blaming Him when things got chaotic, and for not surrendering and trusting in Him.
During my bouts of illness, I felt incredibly bored just lying around and sleeping all day. I craved a little entertainment to lift my spirits. You know, they say laughter is the best medicine. So, I decided to browse through Netflix in search of a film that could serve as a remedy for my boredom. I stumbled upon a movie (I can’t quite recall the title, and truth be told, I didn’t even finish watching it because it was so dull). However, there were a few conversations in the film that caught my attention and reminded me of the extraordinary aspects of life that I had read about in books (although I rarely put them into practice in my own life).
The Movie
In the film, there’s a guy who possesses hidden powers that he’s never tapped into before. In one scene, while he’s training with his mentor to awaken these powers, the mentor tells him that he’s still far from reaching his potential because he lacks focus and has distractions in his mind that prevent him from fully being in the present moment.
The mentor also advises him not to have misguided motivations in awakening his powers. The guy’s ultimate goal in harnessing his powers is to save his kidnapped sister from someone whose powers are on par with a “god” (P.S: It’s a sci-fi film, so you can imagine the context).
During the training, his mind kept going back to the moment when his sister was kidnapped, and all he could do at that time was hide and watch from a distance. Thoughts like that ultimately made him unfocused, unable to be fully present and reach his highest potential. He was consumed by anger and became restless.
However, focus and calmness were the keys to unlocking the full potential of his powers. Long story short, he grew impatient because the training process took longer than he expected. And because he felt that there had been some improvement in his self-defense skills, he unilaterally decided to leave the training and go search for his sister. He managed to find his sister’s location where he was being held captive. But he didn’t succeed, and… he almost died. Lol.
In short, once again, he regained consciousness and found himself back at his teacher’s place (where he trained). It turned out that his teacher had rescued him and brought him there. He realized that his abilities were still far from being able to defeat his enemy. He requested to resume his training immediately. However, his teacher laid out some conditions: he had to stay focused, clear his mind, and remain calm.
He simply had to channel his focus into the present moment, harnessing his fullest potential. That was his sole motivation, without any ulterior motives such as revenge or anything else.
In another twist of events, he managed to enter a flow state, where he moved solely based on instinct rather than overthinking. His mind and heart were completely clear. And just like in other mainstream stories, he ultimately succeeded in rescuing his sister. The story concludes. (Though I didn’t watch it till the end, I’m pretty sure it would end that way.)
Embracing the Flow State and Letting Go
As I reflect on how his teacher asked him to clear his mind, enter the flow state, be calm, be in the present moment, and stay focused, I am reminded that I, too, need to learn to apply those principles in my own life. Enjoying the process, letting go of the end result, clearing my heart and mind, staying focused, and ultimately entering a state of flow where I act on instinct. Trusting. Letting go. Being free. It’s truly beautiful.
There’s no room for stress, anxiety, or worry because I am simply immersed in the present moment, not fixated on controlling things. It’s complete freedom. Having fun. Gratitude.
The Reality is Starting to Change
After 1–2 days, I felt completely recovered and ready to get back to work, but with a different mindset.
When I wake up in the morning, I always express gratitude for the new day and take at least 5 minutes to meditate. After that, I spend around 30 minutes basking in the sun, enjoying the warmth and the addictive ambiance of the morning.
Showering, having breakfast, and getting ready for work. Doing what I love. When I opened my email, I was a bit surprised and amazed. There were so many emails about successful sales I had made during the recovery period of about one week. It was a new record for me to achieve this many sales in a week.
At that moment, I fell silent, smiled, closed my eyes, and felt an incredible peace in my heart. I expressed gratitude. I knew that I couldn’t control everything. I realized that He did everything for me when I took a rest. When I was willing to let go and have faith in Him. Anything is possible when you believe.
What I Have Learned
Another thing I learned is to Let God be God. Don’t try to make yourself a god by thinking you can control everything. Let God be God. And everything will feel easier, even in difficult situations.
Do the best you can, but don’t overdo it. Do your part, and let God do His part. He is always ready to support you if you allow Him to take over. And never judge your current situation, no matter how bad it may seem. Let, whatever happens, happen. You will never know where you will be taken from this point. BELIEVE. LET GO. BEING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. HAVING FUN.
And another interesting fact, I realized that I learned many incredible things from my past failures. I grew from all of them. After realizing this, I no longer want to label them as ‘failures’. They were learning experiences and opportunities for growth. Preparing myself for the next level.
Absolutely! Experiences are truly valuable. They shape us, teach us important lessons, and contribute to our personal growth and development. Each experience, whether it’s a success or a setback, holds valuable insights and opportunities for us to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. Embracing the journey and appreciating the lessons along the way is what makes life truly remarkable.
And honestly, I still sometimes “fall” into my old negative habits in certain situations, and I guess I’ll experience that from time to time. But the good thing is, I never stay stuck or dwell in that feeling of despair. Instead, I always rise up and become the best version of myself. The ultimate me, you know?
And I also want you to know something. Whatever you’re facing right now, please, don’t be too hard on yourself. The first person you should value, love, and respect is yourself. When you fill your cup with positive things, then you can share it with others. What will you give if your own cup is empty? Start from within yourself. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. See yourself as valuable. You are enough. You don’t need to be someone else to make others happy. Don’t dwell too much in the past or the future, so you can truly enjoy the present moment.
I can get through it, and so can you! You are incredibly valuable! Much love.
Once again “anything is possible if you believe”.
