If the lighting is right, the music arousing a palpable sense of romance, the wine consistently flowing, and an obvious mutual attraction present, I will dig you. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It doesn't matter what you are saying. Common values? Who needs them. Not interested in serious commitment? Not a problem, sir. If the atmosphere is electric, I am eager and willing to dive right in.

Exaggerations aside, reality has done a good job of bringing things down to size. Once the initial attraction and excitement have faded a bit, and cloud nine has returned to Mother Earth, I’m either staring in the eyes of someone I actually like or someone I don’t. And they’re, of course, doing the same.

Though I detest dating, I recognize and appreciate the lessons garnered from it. Like, there’s no such thing as “the One.” I think the philosophy of “soul mate” has done a lot more harm than good in our society. It’s a concept that is rooted in ancient mythology. As the story goes, the gods split humans in half as a form of punishment for our pride. Since then, we’ve been on the hunt to find our “soul mate” in an attempt to reach completion once again. Ancient mythology suggests that there is this indescribable feeling a person experiences when they come face to face with their soul mate. In modern culture, this idea is perpetuated by the media, books, TV and Film—that we’re half-full people waiting around for someone else to complete us.

I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked, I’m not a half person. My limbs are fully functional and intact. My brain— fully functional (though sometimes, questionable). I’m clumsy as hell, and I often forget where I left my keys, but I seem to get by just fine, and until recently, completely on my own. I don’t belong to anyone nor does anyone belong to me. People aren't puppies, gerbils or accessories. We’re complete, conscious, symmetrical beings that can totally support ourselves.

Beyond the fact that the term “soul mate” is founded completely in myth, it also promotes “feelings” and “energy” and claims that these are responsible for attracting one person to another. It’s a dangerous concept because it fools you into believing that love is centered around, even dependent on, emotions. Until you come face to face with the love of your life, you will remain incomplete.

Feelings are not our allies. They are not to be trusted. I’ve felt a strong emotional connection to many people who were downright terrible for me. Not the least of which included a guy who was still in love with his ex, though they never claim this outright. You have to fall for them before they realize—whoops, sorry. My heart belongs to someone else. Thanks for parking it here for awhile so I could use you for emotional support in the aftermath of said person completely ripping my heart to shreds.

I know, on the surface this all sounds like the opposite of romantic. But I assure you, it is. As long as we choose our partner and they choose us; as long as we aren't dependent on one another—for emotional, financial or other form of external support—I consider such a bond a genuine one. The reality that someone could dig me for real reasons, not idealistic ones, is really freakin’ awesome. It means that he is aware of my imperfections and likes me anyway, and vice versa. It means that neither of us is projecting unrealistic expectations or hopes and dreams for the future on the other.

Soul mates don’t exist, but love does. If we’re lucky enough to meet people with whom we share a genuine appreciation, connection, respect, values, interests and attraction, what more could we ask for? Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee, so why not find joy and fulfillment in the moment? And truly value the people in our lives for however long they’re a part of it. That, to me, is the ultimate Ode to romance. Love with all your heart as if today is all you have. Then start all over again tomorrow. Wash, rinse, repeat.