I Left My Stable Job For the Uncertainty
But the only thing I’m certain about is I know that I’ve got to do this
This year has been a strange year and the pandemic has certainly changed me. When Covid-19 struck, I started working from home in March 2020. It was pretty difficult for me to adjust at first to this whole new situation. As a result, I started to realize a lot of things because I had more time alone.
This year also happened to be the year that I turned 30 so you can imagine how it made me start doing a self-reflection especially about my life. I woke up every morning before starting my 9–5 job questioning if this was what I wanted to do. I kept thinking if it was the job that made me unhappy? Or was it because of working from home that I didn’t get enough human interaction? Or perhaps was it just my life in general?
I do sometimes envy those people who know exactly what they want to do in life or they get to do what they’re so passionate about. What do they do differently? Deep down we realize that it is not because we are clueless but we are just afraid to do it. Our fear is so huge that it hinders us to pursue our real passion. So I guess to answer that question, what they do differently is they don’t let their fear stop them; they believe in themselves and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. That’s the spirit that everyone MUST have.
I finally decided to take a leap and go after what would make my life more meaningful. I’ve always wanted to wake up with a purpose that gives me excitement and I know I deserve to have that.
Even so, it took me months to ponder and finally overcome my fears. There were three main factors that I was contemplating.
1. Guilt
It hasn’t been easy for everyone around the world due to the pandemic. The situation has impacted a lot of businesses and people have lost their job. I should have been grateful that the company I worked for was doing fine and I still had a job. So while others are struggling to get a job and here I am resigning? I must be insane.
I witnessed some of my connections on Linkedin had been laid off and they were looking for a job either for themselves or their friends. I could genuinely empathize with what they were going through and hope everything would go back to normal soon.
I couldn’t help but wonder if leaving my job in these trying times would be a wise move.
While a lot of people are struggling to find a job, there are other individuals who are struggling with their mental or physical health too, and perhaps those who have lost their loved ones due to Covid. So everyone has their own battle regardless of how tough it is. This is why I felt guilty and kept asking myself if this was the right decision.
I, on the other hand, was struggling with how to fully enjoy what I do. I wasn’t depressed or anything, but I deserve to live a fulfilling life and I do have the capability to change the status quo. Comparing other people’s problems with your own is a never-ending story. We need to take control of our lives. And so I did…
“Everyone has their own struggle and we need to stop comparing our lives with others”
2. Stability
Seeing how hard it was to find a job now also made me realize if I was ready not having a stable income. Honestly, I have to say that I’ve been living quite comfortably. I’m single, I don’t have any liabilities right now, and I don’t have any desire to buy something that I can’t afford. So in that sense, I think I’m good.
Is sacrificing my comfortable life even worth it?
Does the thought of not being financially secure scare me? Sure it does. I kept imagining how my life was going to be without that stability and it was pretty frightening. But I also imagined what was going to happen if I was 40 and I still woke up without a meaningful purpose, that was even more horrifying. I also don’t want to be 40 looking back and think “I should have done this”. So I will not let myself live with regrets.
Hence, the wise thing I did was to think of the consequences and made sure that I was ready to face those challenges. If money was an issue, then I had to prepare a solid plan of how long I would survive without any earnings and that helped me a lot to make a decision as I felt more secure.
“You can always make more money but you can never make more time.”
3. Failure
Being seen as a failure is definitely not the ideal impression that anyone wants to have. Though it can be embarrassing, everyone has a different definition of what success or failure is. So I guess I was so afraid of the thing that I wanted to do wouldn’t work out or I had to start looking for a job because I ran out of money and people around me started judging me.
It got me thinking if that really happens, will that actually make me unsuccessful?
So what is my definition of success? I would say that the only thing that would be considered a failure is when things don’t work out and I give up right away. And so what if I fail? I think I’m at the age that I can still afford to fail and start all over again. I’ll be a failure if I stay in a job that is not fulfilling and it also will make me a coward if I don’t pursue what I want to do.
As scary as it may seem, failing isn’t all bad. If you look at the bright side, It will toughen you up..well at least to me it did. Failing actually leads you in the right direction so you can have a better life. Having said that, I do believe that we still need to have the determination and perseverance in whatever we do to make it worthwhile hence if we fail, we won’t look back and tell ourselves that we “should’ve tried harder”.
“There is no such thing as failure, only learning experiences.”
I’m absolutely nervous to live my life with uncertainty. But sometimes that is what makes it interesting. I probably need to feel this way so there’s a little bit of pressure to push myself to make it work. Now that I have officially left my job, I have everything all planned out, and honestly I’m really excited.
For the first time in my life, I’m finally taking a leap and risking my comfortable life to find my happiness, the real one. I’ve never had the guts to get out of my comfort zone because I was never sure if it was worth it. So I don’t want to be afraid anymore and just do it! (From now on, Nike will be my favorite brand!)
I don’t know what the future holds if this is going to be successful or not. But I will keep reminding myself that when things don’t turn out how I expect them to be, at least I have tried my best and it will get better because everything in life is just temporary.
My definition of success is when I wake up with purpose and excitement because I get to do what I love. What’s yours?
