To the rebels, outliers, geniuses and crazy ones — Q&A

Tribute to the Batali Inquisition


Here’s a tribute to the Batali Inquisition and to the rebels, outliers and crazy ones among us. Gloria Van Vaulker is my first chosen subject. She is a true Aussie beauty with modern day feminist tendencies, a remarkable woman juggling many hats, a unique confidant to many and a lover of life and good food. More importantly, she’s a hero of mine for actively using the powers of the internet to break down taboos.

Gloria Van Vaulker used to be an escort but now works full-time for an Australian mobile-optimised adult directory and lifestyle guide helping other escorts. She is an occasional writer and regularly provides people with fitness advice through her Tumblr. Gloria doesn’t know when she is going to be exchanging sex for money again or where life will take her.

1. When is your favourite time of day?

Evening twilight after dusk — visually it’s the most beautiful as the lights start to glow because of the darkening sky and the feeling of excitement as it acts as a hint of the night that lies ahead.

2. Where do you sleep best?

Drunk, in the bed of someone I care about. Failing that, drunk with my cat. Perhaps an occupational hazard but my bed feels very empty with me on my own.

3. What is the best way to recharge your batteries?

Exercise has been a huge part of my life for many years. Although it’s physically taxing, I become extremely fatigued if I don’t exercise daily. No matter how exhausted I feel, I tend to try to squeeze in a work out.

4. Where is your energy most successfully applied?

In creative environments where I have to run many parallel analytical lines of thought at once. My mind can wander very easily and rapidly if I don’t push it to its fullest extent.

Photo courtesy of Gloria’s Instagram

Photo courtesy of Gloria’s Instagram

5. Where do you waste the most energy

Day dreaming, kissing my cat and mindlessly trawling through the Internet.

6. When are you most depleted

Either after a long day with lots of small errands and situations where my path has been interrupted (driving, public transport, attempting to shop in the city on a busy day) or a social-heavy week with lots of commitments and people clawing at me to catch up. I’m extremely introverted and it just takes too much out of me.


7. What is the last thing you ate that made an impression?

Fish that was very simply done but accompanied by perfectly matching salads at a casual restaurant in Potts Point. It was very casual, but well cooked and the dukkah, celery, rocket and dill dressing salad just seemed to come together perfectly. Satisfying in its simplicity.

8. When are you hungry?

Hunger is generally an afterthought for me rather than an emotional response or one of routine. I enjoy the feeling of slight hunger at all times, if I eat in response to a craving rather than actually feeling hunger. If I’m very busy, it’s always a second thought or way down on my list of priorities. I’m hungry when I’m bored, actually I’m always hungry when hung over.

9. If you were a food, what would you be?

Pomegranate — Sometimes sweet but sometimes tart, very messy and questionable as to whether or not the effort required and potential for stains is really worth the fruit it bears.

10. Describe the perfect dinner, what and where?

Nothing but purely indulgent foods. I have to watch my weight so I often just get the entree and then order a dozen oysters, a cheese platter, dessert and a lot of wine. Nowhere trendy — somewhere quiet and demure, more classical (like Cecconi’s Cantina in Melbourne).


11. Which famous human (dead or alive) do you most identify with?
Paul Keating

12. What is your favourite mode of travel?

Walking, I love to wander (at a very fast and erratic pace that is).

13. Where would you live if you could live anywhere?

It would entirely depend on the stage of my life and what I wanted to achieve. If I were young and single, it would be a big bustling urban metropolis full of opportunity, if I were partnered it would be somewhere that both beautiful and cold like Tasmania or Russia.

14. What do you usually wish on your enemies?

I certainly have feelings of disdain for many people, but when it comes down to it I’m not willing to hold on to enough hatred to actually call anyone an enemy. It requires too much effort, I don’t see the point in contributing to the further pain or anger. I’ll pretty much forgive anyone if they are willing to ask for it. In general I just wish they would stop being such shit people or at least refrain from repeating the same mistakes.

15. What is your favourite luxury?

Luxurious materials — clothing, linens, etc.

16. Bonus Question — Can you describe the place you are residing in as if he was a first date?

He is in the country. His brother has Peter Pan syndrome and spends most of the time walking about the house fixing tractors and chain smoking between telling juvenile stories and playing with the dogs. His mother never gets out of her dressing gown for dinner and spends most of her time verbally attacking you and questioning your intentions. Later you go smoke bongs, make out and let him finger you under the bridge at the creek.