Choosing Your Side of Life’s Street: The Inner Compass of Leadership in Trying Times, Part 1
An Active Reorientation Approach
In challenging times, it’s helpful to step to the side of the pressure, reflect, and ask ourselves, “Who’s driving this bus? — who, in me, is making the decisions regarding how we behave, how we engage, and how we decide our course of action?” Caught up in stressful situations, we often overlook this inquiry, focusing instead on immediate problems and pushing our way through our predicament. We usually ask “what” to do, prioritizing goals and outcomes. It’s an ingrained method, forming many leadership and business strategies.
However, asking “who” is essential. “Who” brings attention to our internal compass, the part within us interpreting our world and our role. Would we want our fear-ridden, exhausted Self to drive and make decisions? Or our self-aware, creative, and resourceful Self at the helm? Despite the obvious answer, we often forget we have a choice in stressful situations.
We have an opportunity to understand what’s happening, not just around us, but within us, and to make a conscious choice.
Knowing who’s driving and actively choosing a well-resourced inner driver during pressured and uncertain times can bring us to options we hadn’t previously seen and shape our experience of leading. It can be the difference between leading with a sense of fear, worry, and concern dominating our perspective, feeling as if there’s so much beyond our agency to do much about it, and the experience of being with what matters, being grounded, and having a sense of one’s agency that can make a difference, recognizing you have resources and connections that can support you — even in difficult times.
The Right and Left Sides of the Street
Let’s use a metaphor to explore the experiences and the choice before us.
Imagine that you’re walking down a street. It’s the street of Life. And like many other streets, there are sidewalks on the left and right sides. These sidewalks are on the same street, but the orientation, view, and experience are importantly different depending on which side of the street you’re on. Every human being has access to their left and right sidewalks. And while we all are likely to relate to generalized experiences of the left side and the right side, your individual experiences are significantly unique and specific and warrant your attention.
The Left Side of the Street
On the left side of the street, you’re walking through Life absorbed and often overwhelmed with the busyness of what’s around you. On this side, you’re busy and even consumed by what needs your attention “out there” (work, family, relationships, community, obligations, etc.) You’re trying to do your best, but you’re unable to get ahead of it all. It’s common to be overwhelmed or exhausted by everything in this experience.
A primary objective on the left side is to “make it through the day” or “keep it together.” Through our behavior and attitude, the best we have is a mission to “make sure bad things don’t happen.” On the left side of the street, fears, worries, and concerns are the primary influence — although we may not see this directly. It’s simply the way it is.
Ever had this experience in your life?
Often, we haven’t made any conscious choices to be here. It’s common that we have been behaving our way onto the left side sidewalk for some time and following old survival strategies to keep us going once here. It’s been influenced by the stories we’ve been telling ourselves. Unconscious of the invisible influences of fears, worries, and concerns that bring the weight of obligation, we’re living the “shoulds” of what must be done, and what “we need to do” when we’re on the left side. The “shoulds” or “need to’s” could be “what my partner wants me to do, or my investors, or customers, or parents, or mentor; or, my own image of what I think a good leader should do”, etc.
Experiencing Life on the left side of the street can have us feel as if it’s all on us — and we’re carrying it as best we can. We can become disconnected from others, even isolated, as we carry the load on our backs.
We believe life will be better if I make it through this next stretch. When we’re on the left side of the street, we don’t have much curiosity about our situation nor the energy to pursue it if we had it. We’re dominated by the concerns of our immediate problems, often focusing on what’s directly before us and deferring a preferred life until we’re through with this chapter.
Let’s just pause right there for a second.
How many of us can relate to being on the left side of the street?
The Right Side of the Street
Now let’s head over to the right-side sidewalk. It’s the same street of Life you were just on — everything is still out there — but it’s very different here. You’re in a more resourced place when you’re on the right side of the street.
On the right side, you’re grounded, centered in yourself, and aligned with what matters to you now. You have clarity about your values and how they are of service to you in these moments. Your grounding helps provide a sense of calm and clarity even as the world around you may be in chaos.
On the right side of the street, you occupy the generative or creative adult inside of you. You see things directly as they are, but you’re not caught up in the storms or the drama. This is not about making lemonade out of lemons; you see and understand the upheaval, loss, suffering, fear, and disruption as it is directly, but are not undone or unmoored by it.
It may be helpful to consider this aspect of yourself as the elder or the experienced wise one within you. You carry an ability to be with what’s directly in front of you while seeing and maintaining a bigger picture all at once.
On the right side sidewalk, you’re connected with your inner sense of purpose and how purpose relates to the world around you and your current situation. This center of gravity carries a sense of advocacy from clarity of purpose and what you’re for, but it’s not a righteous voice. It’s calm, clear, and direct. It does not need to be defensive or offensive. It is your own clear voice.
There’s agency and energy for action from the right side of the street. There are no “shoulds” when you’re on this side. You’re not trying to live up to the leader you think you should be or who your investors, best friends, employees, or parents think you should be; you’re simply clear about who you are, and your leadership comes from this place. There’s an authentic and unique expression that comes forth from us when we’re here on the right side.
Some Distinctions Between the Right and the Left Sides of the Street
The generative right side of the street knows fear and understands what it is to have fears, worries, concerns, and anxiety. The right side of the street knows the left side and how we show up when we’re really “in it” and living on the left side. It’s as if the “who” we are, on the right side, creates a large enough container that we can hold and be with fear and anxiety but not be unraveled in it.
This way of being on the right side of the street is similar to how nurturing parents can understand and hold their children as the child experiences grief, anger, fear, loss, and frustration — the parents know what it’s like! — but the parent is not caught up in it. When we’re on the right side, we can access all of the experiences of the left while still being in the resourced, generative center of gravity.
When we’re on the left side of the street, however, we can’t easily access the right side sidewalk. The left side doesn’t know the right side.
When those stuck experiencing the left side of the street are asked what they would prefer to be experiencing — what might be the right side of the road for them — many commonly share, “I don’t know, but I can tell you that it’s not this!” Often, they describe the right side in terms of the left side qualities — “I’m not angry, I’m more confident and not doubting myself, I’m not exhausted, I’m not stuck…” But the left does not define the right side, nor is the right the opposite of the left side sidewalk. The right side is, importantly, uniquely and authentically, its own center of gravity containing the felt sense and qualities experienced by you when you are on the right side of the street. To name these qualities, one must first have a right side of the street experience.
To learn more about active reorientation and accessing the right side of the street when you’re having a left-side-of-the-street experience, stay tuned for Choosing Your Side of Life’s Street: The Inner Compass of Leadership in Trying Times, Part 2.
In the meantime, support yourself by reflecting and exploring what you see and know of yourself and the experience of both the left and right sides of the street for you.
When coming to know both sides of the street, consider the following:
- Name a specific time when you were on the left side of the street. What specifically happened? What seemed to be important? What was it like for you? What were you trying to do? How would an outsider describe you during that time? What resources did you have, or think you had at the time?
- Now consider the same questions above for the right side of the street experience.
- What do you notice as you compare your left and right side of the street experiences?
