Discovering the ‘Why’ Behind Our Choices & Actions
Using introspection and inquiry to understand our motivations.
What is driving you in your work life and how does that show up existentially? Why are you in the role you’re in? Do you ever pause and wonder why you’re doing what you’re doing? Or, rather, how did you get here — perhaps, again? Have you ever jumped back into another startup after you completed the acquisition of your previous company only to find yourself unsatisfied?
When we stop to check in with ourselves and give ourselves the gift of reflection, we can begin to ask questions that uncover what’s really driving us and how those may be showing up in our choices and actions, especially those choices and actions that seem to put us back into situations we say we don’t want.
Oftentimes, we aren’t actually seeking the thing we say we want, but the feeling behind it. And the feelings we most often seek are a sense of love, safety, and belonging. These are things our hearts crave, but we routinely look for them to be fulfilled in external places that fall short of our hopes and expectations.
When we become clear about why we’re doing what we’re doing, often after much introspection and inquiry, we can be honest with ourselves about our ‘why,’ — our motivations. Then, if we decide to move forward in light of that, we can do so with as much consciousness as we have gained in that moment. We can make choices that move us forward in ways more aligned with what we really do want, versus what we think something might give us if we attain or achieve it.
When we can see the underlying reasons why we did something in the first place, we can see ourselves more clearly. We may find that what once drove us into a role or a goal in our lives is wearing out our gears.
The more we inquire within, the more true drivers emerge for us that can expose how our current situations are no longer a fit. The roles or goals we pursued and achieved, and the drivers and motivators that led us to attain them, become less relevant the more we become aligned internally, in greater rapport with ourselves.
From here, we have more creative agency for our life’s choices and true longings, and the validation of our worth comes from a place within us. For some of us that may be an invitation to recommit to the situations we find ourselves in, or exiting gracefully and choosing something different.
In a conversation with Jerry about his book, Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up, my colleague Margaret asks: in what way does work provide us the opportunity to consistently realign our inner and outer selves?
Jerry notes, “The thing that’s marvelous about work is that it’s so dynamic. It’s ever-changing. If it was static, we could align ourselves once and be done. Because the conditions in which we work change — the people we work with change, the customers change or the market conditions change, or the business size changes — everything is constantly in dynamic motion. So, we’re presented with this opportunity to realign and realign and realign, again and again and again and again. And I think that’s the opportunity. Every single one of those alignments presents us with an opportunity to check ourselves. We can ask: “What do I believe to be true about the world? What kind of company do I want to work for?” Imagine asking that question every three or four months, because the company you thought you wanted to work for six months ago, has now changed.”
This reminds me of something a colleague of mine used to do at her previous company. She put a monthly event on her company-facing calendar that served as a reminder prompt for her own re-evaluation. The prompt read: “Do I love what I’m doing?” And each month, she’d recommit, or readjust. She had a long and fruitful career there.
My wish is that we can all find the balance point that inner alignment can grant to us as we navigate the external world. And, then, from there, both inner and outer can become more attuned, and, if we’re lucky, sing a grand soul song of deep fulfillment in the richness of our lives.
