The Most Annoying Types of Pickup Basketball Players
1. The “And- 1 Playground” Player
There’s always that one guy who unnecessarily appoints himself as the point guard of the team, usually to the demise to his own team. He thinks he’s a better ball handler than he really is and decides to try to showcase that. The end result is the player stumbling and fumbling his way down the court and eventually gets the ball stolen. The most annoying part is you or a teammate is usually WIDE OPEN WHEN THIS HAPPENS. Pretty much this guy costs you easy points. Just remember guys you are not the reincarnation of Hot Sauce or Allen Iverson just move the ball up the court next time.
2. The Barking Old Guy
Most pickup games, more-so at the gym than outside parks, there’s an older guy on one of the teams. For whatever reason, usually nobody can figure out why, but the old guy is constantly flapping his jaws no matter what is going on in the game. Either it is to argue the score after every point, call an unnecessarily travel that would be like one step in the NBA, become a player coach, or call a foul for his teammate this guy just straight up irks you. Then you ultimately realize that most people his age aren’t out here on the court so you give him respect and the benefit of the doubt, you would just rather not play in the same game as him.
3. The “Team hopper”
This is the one guy at the court who wants to hop on every single team possible, once he steps foot in the vicinity. Somehow this guy’s team is always on the losing end and then goes on to starts to talk to every person who he thinks looks important and tries to persuade them to let them hop on either team that is playing next. He just makes everything awkward and prolongs the start of the next game because he just won’t get off the court, and when he finally does he’s bothering everyone in the sideline. It’s probably best if you don’t give this guy eye contact.
4. The Hack
You want to stay away and avoid this guy at all times. No matter what this guy is doing on the court he is going to end up fouling whoever comes his way. Either he doesn’t know how to play without fouling, doesn’t know what a foul is, or the worst is just he is too lazy to play any sort of decent defense so he just fouls. The Supreme Hack is a combination of all those. You might want this guy on your team at times when his fouls lets the game slow down and gives your team a chance to come back or take the lead but his fouls may offend someone and start tension in the game. He also brings that medical risk every game. At the end of the day, nobody respects a hack.
5. The Referee
This type of player is the one who will call EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE foul in the history of possible fouls. I know the NBA has gotten a little softer but this isn’t the NBA this is pickup basketball, a whole ‘nother realm of basketball. There is a reason we don’t use the NBA 3, because we aren’t in the NBA. Anyways this guy can make a 15 min pickup game turn into 35–40, which is exhausting for the players in the game, and really irritating for the team that has next. This is the type of player who calls a loose-ball foul when you give him an arm-bar to try to get to the ball. The player referee will also give you a 5 min debate on how someone on the other team traveled and demonstrate it to you while gladly pausing the game, and no we don’t care that you used to referee a rec basketball league full of 3rd-graders. The only way to counter the player ref is to quietly ignore or start calling all your fouls and make a mockery of what he is completely doing.
6. The Compulsive Shooter
This is the type of player that isn’t really great at scoring or shooting but is respectable enough to play in the game. Your first mistake was letting this guy on your team though, your second? Passing him the ball, because you aren’t getting it back. Once this person touches the ball, he’s letting it fly, no matter if he’s open, if it’s a not a reasonable shot, or if he should be shooting in the first place. All you want to do is get some ball movement going, and he just happens to be the person you should swing it to, in a “good basketball” standpoint he is the logical pass to make, but nope don’t do it he will not pass it back, make a play for someone else, or keep the ball moving because it’s his time to shine and will try let you know that he really is Steph Curry with the shot. All you can really do is completely not pass it to this guy unless he’s cutting for a lay-up or you can just flat out boost his confidence up to an irrational level that he actually gets cocky enough and the shots somehow start to fall in. Really your only two options here.
Everywhere you go to play pickup it’s not going to be perfect, that is the beautiful art that pickup is, you just have learn to have fun and make the most of it, and mostly just do you.
