Fried chicken with a light amount of hot honey sauce in between a biscuit.

Least-Healthy Chicken Biscuits

These were the best batch of chicken biscuits yet, here’s the recipe — For your health!

Note: Start three to four hours before you want to eat. You’ll need to brine the chicken with salt and buttermilk in the fridge. You’ll also want to make sure your butter is cold so throw a couple sticks in the freezer.

In the before times, I ordered chicken biscuits from a great breakfast place here in Atlanta. Now that the quarantine has made everyone a grade-fucking-a chef and baker, I decided to try my own recipe again (though,I still support the restaurant via take out when I can). It came out great. Here’s the recipe and instructions for both the fried chicken and the biscuits.

Fried Chicken Ingredients

(Two servings)

Note: Unfortunately, I didn’t record some of the measurements for the batter so these are approximations. I will make another batch soon to confirm but I’m sure this is close.

• One large chicken breast
• 1 1/2 cups of flour
• 1/4 cup of corn starch
• Buttermilk (about 2–3 cups)
• Salt
• Pepper
• Adobo
• Celery powder
• Vegetable oil

Hot Honey Sauce Ingredients

• 1/3 cup of melted butter
• Sriracha sauce (a few squirts)
• Hot sauce (a few more squirts)
• Honey (go nuts)
• Brown sugar (a couple spoons full)
• Salt (a bit)
• Vinegar (a small dash)

Biscuit Ingredients

(Makes about 6)

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 4 tbsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp cream of tartar (You can get this at your grocery store in the spice aisle)
• 3/4 cup COLD butter ( Like, as cold as your ex’s heart in January.)
• 1 egg
• 1/4 cup buttermilk
• 1 cup whole milk
• A bit of melted butter (to brush over the biscuits when you take them out of the oven.)

This is fun, we’re having a good time.

Let’s start with prepping chicken

Prepping the chicken correctly is the key to good fried chicken. So, pay attention you nerds and no short cuts!

• Take out a completely thawed chicken breast. Get a big one. Like so big you’re worried it’s genetically modified.
• Dry it completely. You’re going to dry this chicken a lot, grab all your paper towels.
• Cut it longways so to make the breast thinner, like a cutlet. You now have two pieces of chicken breast.
• Beat the shit out of the chicken to make it thinner.
• Cut off any loose chicken bits.
• Dry both pieces.
• Dry them a second time.
• Murder both pieces of chicken with salt.
• Get a bowl, fill it with buttmilk and throw both chicken breasts into the bowl. Make sure the buttermilk completely covers the chicken.
• Cover the bowl with your chicken cereal and throw it in the fridge. Leave it there for 3 hours. 2 hours if you’re in a rush.
• After 3 hours, take the bowl out of the fridge.
• Rinse the chicken real good like.
• Spend the rest of your life drying the fuck out of both pieces of chicken.
• The chicken needs to be room temperature so set aside for now and let’s work on the biscuits…

Let’s make those biscuits

• Pre-heat your oven to 450.
• Take out a large bowl, a small bowl, and pastry cutter (I used a mixer attachment because I don’t have a pastry cutter), large cheese grater, parchment paper.
• Prep the butter: The butter should be basically frozen. This very important. If it is not cold, the world will explode and your biscuits will be the reason. Grate the butter using the large side of the cheese grater into a small bowl. Put the grated butter back into the freezer for 15 minutes.
• Throw the flour, sugar, salt, baking powder, and cream of tartar into the bowl and mix it up.
• After 15 minutes, take the grated butter out of the freezer.
• Throw about a third of that butter into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix. Repeat 2 more times.
• Pour in the buttermilk, milk and egg into the bowl.
• Mix it all together until you get sticky batter using a pastry mixer or a mixer attachment. Don’t over mix.
• On a large clean surface, sprinkle a generous amount of flour on it. This is your kneading station.
• Take the dough out of the bowl. It’ll be sticky. You’ll be upset. Push through it. Knead the dough about 15 times on the floured surface. add more flour as needed so the dough doesn’t stick to you or the surface.
• Flatten the the dough to about a half inch thick.
• Grab a drinking glass and use it to cut out your biscuits. You should be able to make 12 cuts (you’ll likely have to knead the left over dough twice more to get all 12). Set two biscuit cuts on top of each other. You should have 6 double-biscuits in total.
• Put the parchment paper with your 6 double biscuits in the freezer for 10–15 min.
• Go dry your chicken again, you weirdo.
• Take the biscuits out of the freezer and put on a baking sheet with the parchment paper.
• Throw in the oven for 12–15–16 minutes. Keep an eye on them, I don’t know your oven.

Make the hot honey sauce

• Melt like 1/3 cup of butter.
• Mix in the sriracha, hot sauce, vinegar, honey and brown sugar.
• Taste it. Good? Make adjustments as needed.

Let’s fry the fuck out of that chicken

• I swear to god if that chicken isn’t dry…
• Is it room temp too?
• Grab two mixin’ bowls and a deep fryer.
• In one bowl, mix 1/2 cup of flour and 1 cup of buttermilk.
• In the other bowl, mix in 1 cup of flour, 1/4 cup corn starch, baking powder, salt, pepper, Adobo and celery powder.
• Pour vegetable oil into your fryer. Enough to completely submerge your chicken. Heat it up until the oil goes crazy when you put a drop of water in it. The noise the oil makes should scare you.
• Dip one piece of chicken into the bowl with buttermilk batter. Cover it real good like.
• Take it out of that bowl and put it in the bowl with the flour mix. Make sure it covers the batter completely without having too much excess. Follow you heart.
• Throw that piece gently into the oil. Cook for 3 minutes.
• Take out the fried chicken and set it on a plate with a paper towel.
• Do the same process for the second piece of chicken.
• Are you checking on those biscuits? They should be done.

Put it all together

• Get your biscuits out of the oven, brush some butter on top why don’t ya.
• Pull the biscuit apart, put your fried chicken on top of the bottom piece of biscuit.
• Drizzle some of that hot honey sauce over the chicken. Fuck yeah.
• Put the other piece of biscuit on top of the chicken.
• Let it cool down a sec. Put it in your mouth.