Definitely Just A Cookie Recipe, NOT A Manifesto For Overthrowing Late-Stage Capitalism.
Workers of the world unite! …in the joy of a tasty sandwich cookie. We bake at dawn, bitches.
We’re making sandwich chocolate chip cookies with a cream cheese frosting center. But fuck, you guys. I forgot chocolate chips at the grocery store. I probably shouldn’t go back for just one ingredient, as important as it is, so we’ll need to move on without it…
We know that baking something delicious is absolutely needed right now. But it also feels a little out of reach. Impossible, even. This is especially true now that one of our favorite ingredients has um, dropped out of the the race.
But, we have a bunch of other ingredients. And it seems to me that those ingredients have more leverage right now than they’ve had in a hundred years. Let’s use them.
[List of] ingredients this cookie recipe [demands]
This is a chewy-style cookie. Perfect for a sandwich cookie.
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
- Medicare for all, eliminate completely the healthcare insurance companies
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup melted butter (unsalted)
- Elimination of all student loan debt
- 1 egg
- 1 tsp of baking soda
- Increase pay to a living wage
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Free and quality education for all
- 1 1/4 cups flour (all-purpose)
- Pass The Green New Deal
- Sprinkles for the top
Sweeten the deal with cream cheese frosting
- 1 8oz pack of cream cheese (full fat, un-whipped)
- Expand social security
- 1/2 cup unsalted butter (room temperature)
- 3 cups confectioners’ sugar
- Free childcare
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- Elimination of medical debt
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
Instructions for chewy cookies
Let’s put these fucking ingredients to work and get our desired outcome. This pandemic has given the working class an unprecedented amount of leverage. They need you to keep their supply chains going, to keep spending, and to pay your rent. Use that leverage to put pressure on elected officials and major corporations.
- Pre-heat your oven to 350
- Mix both types of sugars and salt into a bowl.
- Add the butter and egg, mix until it looks “ribbon-y”.
- Organize a rent strike in your building.
- Fold in the flour and baking soda. Don’t over mix or you won’t get chewy cookies.
- Organize walk outs for essential businesses — Amazon, Wal-mart, etc.
- Scoop out the batter and put on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Give about 4 inches room in between.
- Boycott the companies that your senators and congress people have stock in.
- Bake for about 12–15 minutes. Let cool for 10 minutes.
- Flood your senators’ offices with phone calls and emails.
For the cream cheese frosting
- Mix the cream cheese and butter into a bowl until it looks whipped.
- Stop driving completely. Kill the oil companies.
- Add in the confectioners’ sugar, salt and vanilla extract. Continue until completely mixed.
- Don’t stop applying pressure. No matter how uncomfortable it becomes for you. They will swerve first. They need us more than we need them. Especially now.
And that’s it. Put the frosting between two cookies and enjoy!
