Reciprocal| Family
My Family’s Tale Of Struggles and Triumphs
A Story Of Family’s Escape
My mother had an arranged marriage when she was just 19 years old. After the wedding, she lived in a large joint family that included my grandfather, grandmother, uncle, older uncle, older aunt, and their children.
My grandfather was a farmer who supported his family through agriculture and animal husbandry. At that time, most people in India depended heavily on agriculture. However, my grandfather made sure to provide a good education for his three sons. My older uncle got a job in Africa and soon moved there with his family. My other uncle was studying in a hostel away from home.
My mother was not very educated, as at that time it was not common for girls to receive much education. My maternal grandparents had taught my mother farming skills from an early age because they had three daughters and one son and were not financially able to provide education for all of them. So, they involved all their daughters in agricultural work from a very young age.
My father was the second child in the family. Since my older uncle pursued engineering and my other uncle studied pharmacy, they both desired to establish themselves abroad. During this time, my mother and father took care of my grandparents.However, my grandmother used to torture my mother a lot. Since my mother was skilled in all aspects of agriculture, my grandmother made her do all the work throughout the day, believing that women should not rest.
My mother also took on the responsibility of arranging my uncle’s marriage and helping him settle down. Soon after, my uncle and his wife moved to Canada, leaving the responsibility of caring for my grandparents to my parents. My mother had high blood pressure, and even when she took her medication, my grandmother disapproved and said that spending money on such things was unnecessary.
My parents did everything they could and took care of my grandparents. Despite this, my grandmother always favored her two sons who were settled abroad. Whenever they came home for vacations, they were welcomed with special attention, and my aunt and older aunt wouldn't have to do any work. My grandmother would make my mother do all the chores. It is often said that parents don't differentiate among their children, but my grandmother was different. She only favored her two sons.
But my parents never opposed this because my father is a compassionate person who believed in staying with and caring for his parents, especially since elderly parents need the most support.
My mother endured a lot more than my father because my grandmother often taunted her, saying things like, 'What do you know besides farming?'
Things reached a breaking point when my father became seriously ill, and during that time, his own mother didn’t offer any help, neither financially nor in any other way. I know that when my mother talks about this, she says how she had to handle everything alone, from admitting my father to the hospital to taking care of his meals. At that time, when my father needed financial support the most, not only did his brothers fail to help, but even his own mother refused to assist in any way.
My father served my grandmother diligently, even when her other sons were not around. Despite this, when he needed help, my grandmother couldn't offer even minimal support, either financially or in terms of care, as a mother should. After all this, my father decided to move to the city to improve his and my mother's lives and start anew in peace. However, instead of supporting this decision, my grandmother always tried to demotivate him by saying that they wouldn't be able to afford living in the city.
But my father and mother made a firm decision to move on from that place and start a new life. On that day, they left with only a few clothes and moved away. Today, they are living a very happy and fulfilling life.
This story was inspired by reading the story of Suma Narayan and how she went through the struggles of living with a joint family who had a patriarchal value.
The deep and powerful poem shared by Douglas Lim
