Let this year be the year you stop coughing up irradiated pieces of your lung tissue and start being the you that you want to be.
A lot of things may have changed in America in the year 2050, but remember, at the center of any healthy living plan is you. Your initiative and your priorities must take the center stage and every step towards healthy living should include:
- Goal Setting
- Consideration for increasingly scarce resources of our dying planet
Using this four-step method, nothing is beyond your reach, except the many things that are extinct, banned, or ruined forever.
And to help you get the ball rolling, here are a few ideas you can do to make your life a little more livable.
If you live in one of the 42 habitable states, you have a lot to be thankful for, and plenty of exercise opportunities, many of which you probably didn’t even think of.
- Do you live in New York? Try swimming to work instead of a rideshare canoe.
- Do you live in Texas? Try turning down the air conditioning and seeing how long you can sweat.
- Do you live in the eye of California’s perpetual fire maelstrom? Try some especially hot yoga.
Whether your environment is inundated or on fire or inundated, there are some tried-and-true indoor methods of exercise to consider for the typical 175 square feet of environmentally controlled living space of an American family unit.
Yoga. Lifting chairs. Sitting and standing up again. Lying on the ground and then getting up. Bending. Walking in place. Opening and shutting cabinets.
You can try rearranging your things from one place to a new place, then moving them back again.
To make it a little more luxurious, the government, in partnership with Microsoft Drought, has created some incredible virtual reality hiking trails to consider. Try walking in place while touring the Amazon rainforest, Fiji, or the Savannah before they were deserts.
Or sit in a solitary corner and let the VR assistant do the walking. The VR exercise program comes with the added bonus of being able to turn off all the lights as you hold the screen of your phone two inches from your face.
That saves on our already over-taxed power grid.
When exercise isn’t necessary
Truth is, physical exertion isn’t for everyone.
If you’re one of the 3 billion roving nomads, constantly on the move to avoid the fires, floods, hurricanes and desertification that’s become the norm, your lifestyle may well provide sufficient exercise.
But for the billions more who live in an isolated, diminutive environment, constantly hiding from the extremes of nature in a tiny, well-regulated complex of concrete blocks, exercise has a plethora of benefits, including:
- Stress reduction
- Time killing
Celebrities like Android Arianna Grande, George Clooney’s clone and the detached head of Ryan Gosling all endorse exercise as part of a healthy life. But not too much exercise.
You’re probably wondering how an average person like you can improve their diet. Afterall, we all live on a government standard ration of 1650 calories a day consisting of the four basic food groups: corn, okra, soy-based meat substitute and pills, and we all love it.
It’s true that deviating too far from the government diet will result in fines or forced labor in the super-heated desert flats of Arizona. But that doesn’t mean you can’t mix it up to achieve your maximum nutritional and spiritual eating balance.
A recent study from the University of California Berkley’s underwater health lab found that 65 percent of respondents were eating, on average, 250 more grams of corn than the optimal levels, and as many as 4 pills short of the peak vitamin supplementation.
Of course, everyone’s body is slightly different, and some respondents claim a somewhat heavier corn or okra diet leads to an overall improved sense of well-being. If you’re having doubts about your diet, try keeping a food journal similar to the example given below:
- Okra, corn, pills, soy-meat
- Corn, okra, pills
- Soy-meat, pills, okra
- Corn, pills, okra
- Soy-meat surprise
Although most forms of fishing, hunting, farming and foraging are prohibited without proper authorization, many regions have allowed some creative culinary practices to thrive.
Did you know?
Algae is edible (some algae).
Along the east coast of the United States and in the livable areas around the Gulf of Mexico algae blooms are frequent. Instead of just counting dead marine life, why not put on that hazmat suit and go algae picking?
If done right, an algae salad is a fantastic break from the monotony of okra. Of course, if done wrong, it will kill you.
How about locust fajitas (with corn tortillas and okra)?
Thanks to Oregon’s periodic monsoons, much of the remaining agricultural land is subject to massive locust outbreaks and consequent famines. But we humans can have the last laugh.
By harvesting the locusts and cooking them with okra (and some tasty corn) you can have a treat best enjoyed blind-folded.
Don’t forget the dirt cookies.
If you’re lacking minerals in your diet, then perhaps it’s time to relive the lost art of dessert with a dirt cookie.
Originally from Haiti and popularized in the 2038 Disney remake of Ratatouille, dirt cookies are the perfect way to end a meal. The common ingredients are some common dirt, water, and that’s it.
Why not add a little zest to your dirt cookies and put in a little okra?
You might think, day after day, going to work in the carbon sequestration pits or other jobs, that it’d be better off for everyone (especially yourself) if you just ended it all.
After all, every new human on the planet requires resources and leaves behind a deadly carbon footprint. Wouldn’t it just be better to let those resources go to someone smarter, stronger, better suited to the hostile world we now inhabit?
You think about what your death could mean. How your friend could marry and have that child he’s currently barred from having. Maybe, you’ve hit your 37th birthday and you can only expect to live 5 maybe 6 more years anyway.
Isn’t carrying on selfish? The world doesn’t need me. My existence is a drain on everyone around me. And I can never repay the burden that I have placed on society — Except, by finally saying goodnight. To hope that my soul can return in better times when people make the world stronger instead of destroying it, one breath at a time.
Well, cheer up!
After all, if everyone killed themselves, there’d be no one left. And that’d be sad, although environmentally sound. So, let’s talk about a few ways to keep those dark, well-reasoned thoughts at bay.
Is there a tree within 20 miles of your habitat? Well, get in line to enjoy some of that natural shade. You’ll find that the suicidal thoughts that linger in your daily thought portfolio will seem less oppressive.
You might not mean much in the “real” world, but in the virtual world of gaming, even a useless heap of carbon can find significance. Start training today. You’ll find a few virtual trophies are the perfect distraction.
Do you have a mirror? Stand in front of it for 20 to 30 minutes a day and try some positive affirmations. Some of the most popular include, “I’m not here,” “This will all end soon,” and “Someday, I’m going to eat real meat!”
If those methods don’t work, and you still feed the pressing need to end it all, be sure to take an FDA approved suicide pill in your nearest pharmacy. Look for the Simon the happy bee.
Congratulations. You are now an expert in healthy living, revamped for the year 2050. Now, get out there and start living today. Or stay inside and keep living longer. The choice is all yours.