What Retrogaming Taught Us About Life, Hardship And Determination
Back in my day, gaming used to teach kids hard-earned lessons about life. It was about grit and determination and the realization that death was an inevitable part of life. It was about saving a princess from a dragon without any expectation more than a thank you and sturdy handshake.
Not anymore.
Like all elderly people age 25 to 35, not a day goes by that I don’t scowl with disgust at anyone under 20, and cane them when the opportunity arises. They’re too soft; and modern gaming is to blame.
I mean, technically, they’re usually healthier because they can beat games easier and in less time, and can then lead a more active lifestyle, but still…
Some people say that we always remember things as better than they really were, even the hardships.
But those people are idiots.
Things in past were better. I remember. And that includes the hardships. I remember them fondly, and the lessons learned even more so.
Never being able to save
For the young folks, imagine a world where you can spend 8 hours getting to the end of a game, after spending 100+ hours becoming good enough to get to the end without dying, only to take a flying ax to the head.
Then it’s off to the beginning again.
The beginning beginning. Not the last save point, or last chapter.
You had to have the determination to do something over and over again, with seemingly no reward in it.
The old game work-arounds were as funny as they were annoying. Those 32 digit passcodes you had to write down to resume the game from, kind of, where you left off.
Lesson Learned:
Old games taught kids character, like chopping down a tree with a butter knife or digging for buried treasure in the rocky mountains.
Is that save point too far away?
You’re spoiled.
Instant death, everywhere
It’s not just the boss that threatens your life. Maybe, it’s that pit. Or testing to see if you can swim.
In the old PC games, it could be saying the wrong thing. Or eating poison. There was no end to the arbitrary ways you can die in old games.
Old games kept you agile and alert to dangers of any kind.
There was usually only one way to deal with a death-defying situation — try, die, then try again. It’s a special kind of luck to go 5 to 10 minutes without dying in an old game.
It could simply mean you’re not playing hard enough.
Lesson Learned:
Life is a precious gift, and there’s no guarantee you’ll see tomorrow… so best to play now.
Nowadays, death and danger are easily identifiable in games. With enough caution, you can survive until the end.
Ridiculous.
The word “congratulations”
Old video games taught us all that congratulations hurt.
You’ve spent countless hours conquering a world. You could have learned Spanish, or how to play the piano. But no, you’ve chosen this game to spend your time on. And you’ve finally beaten it.
It’s all over, and it’s time for your reward.
Flashing neon colors that say congratulations. Maybe, some 8-bit fireworks too. Maybe not. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Not really.
Nothing makes you feel the empty hole left in your life like the word congratulations. So much life, so much time, for so little. It’s just like getting a Masters degree in fine arts.
Lesson Learned:
Life is a precious gift, one that ends with a meaningless void of pain and regret.
You thought the end of the Mass Effect Trilogy was bad? Imagine if it were this:
Blowing on the cartridge
Each member of the NES generation worked out a system.
Blow in the cartridge twice, then put it in, push restart, then power, then restart again. Or hit the cartridge, blow in it, then three restarts. Hit the NES, then hit the cartridge, then blow in it. Magnets.
Whatever the system was, it worked.
No one knew how or why it worked, it just did. People said you weren’t supposed to blow in the cartridge, but that’s an essential component to countless repair procedures.
And if it didn’t work the first time, you simply did the procedure again. It would always work… eventually.
Lesson Learned:
You can do the same thing twice and expect different results.
NES created a generation perfect for the field of air conditioner repair.
What can you do now?
You can’t blow on a download… instead you just have to begrudgingly accept that it works fine the first time.
Technology is wasted on the young, with their Instagrams and Youtubes.
I hate them all deeply.
That being said, hope isn’t lost.
Just remember parents, don’t let your kids play on tablets or smartphones. Take that stuff and throw it in a garbage disposal as soon as you get that newborn.
Instead, retrofit your home to match an era that will make them tough as nails — the late 1980's. Make sure that that television weighs 300 pounds and the game system is barely working. And when those kids get home from school, don’t let them just run up to their rooms and do homework. Make sure there’s game time before math. And if they cry and throw that controller at the screen — feel free to laugh.
You’ll deserve it.
