Dear Jeff — Why not pie?
Good morning, Jeff,
The title says it all. Why not pie for breakfast? I made it from scratch last night, after a long day of feeling unwell and napping. I had previously made the crust, so all my mom and I had to do was cook it while whipping up some homemade chocolate pudding. We are constantly amazed at how easy it is to make things from scratch, if we just take the time to learn how to do it. I grew up on boxed chocolate pudding, but if you’ve got cocoa in the pantry, you can pretty much make chocolate pudding any time you want with the regular things in the fridge and cupboard.
I thought I’d give you a peak of my everyday life.
This morning, my alarm went off at 4:40 am so that I’d have an hour to myself before going to work as a barista. That’s actually a misnomer; I make coffee drinks, but without the skill or knowledge of a barista. It’s pays a whopping $7.50/hour (can you believe ANY wage is that low these days?) plus tips. The owners have a hard time retaining staff; gosh, I wonder why?
I work there because I love coffee and need a break from caregiving. They kindly let me work exactly the hours I need — 6 am-10 am 4 days a week — so I can be home shortly after Caitie wakes up. Mom takes care of her while I’m gone, which is why it’s important to be gone mostly when they are asleep. Thanks to the lack of support services in Mississippi, we are not likely to find a caregiver other than family, but that is a whole other rant.
Today, I called in sick because I was, indeed, very sick most of the day yesterday and Caitie was up all night. When I had to make the decision to work or not (at 5 am), I had a headache and wasn’t sure which way this day was going to go, so I called out. Turns out it was an excellent decision. I feel reasonably fine now, but Caitie doesn’t and so we have been bonding all morning.
This is Caite. She doesn’t walk or talk or feed herself; she is 100% dependent on us taking care of her. I don’t know what she thinks about, but I do know she’s far smarter than most would imagine. She has a genuine sense of humor and generally figures out ways to run the house according to her wishes. Her very presence has been one long, lifelong lesson in living in the moment. She demands it. As far as I know, the past and present are non-concepts for Caitie.
This is Mom, my partner-in-crime for the last 14 years. She moved in when Terry (my husband) was diagnosed with cancer and we’ve all been together ever since. Well, with the exception of 2021, but again, that’s another story. Over the years we’ve figured out how live together even though moms and daughters are notorious for pushing each other’s buttons. But you know my mom, there really isn’t a kinder, more genuinely unselfish person on the planet (except for maybe your wife!), so she makes it easy for us to get along.
I’ve oscillated through the years between being neglectful and overindulgent in terms of my caregiving, especially in assuming responsibility for both Mom and Caitie’s happiness. Now that I’m retired and have less demands on my time, I’m finding the energy to finally draw good boundaries between their needs and mine without feeling guilty or overused. It’s a peaceful feeling and it is exactly the reason I have time to write to you this morning, even though Caitie is sick and Mom should be waking up soon for her morning coffee.
Although my life has not turned out at all as I expected, I’m very happy. For awhile, I struggled to make my life fit my preconceived ideas of it, but once I let that go and embraced what is literally right in front of me, everything lightened up. The process began when I first started realizing that I was trained to make money in all the jobs I hated doing. Eventually that realization led me to work in animal shelters for 17 years, which filled my life with purpose AND paid the bills — yay!
After I figured out the work part, I had to figure out the relationships part, which I am still working on. Despite the fact the I believed all I ever wanted was to be married for life and have a family, my reality has turned out differently. Last year I went for the “brass ring” in relationships, and once that shattered, I had to realized, once again, that my primary relationship is right in front of me. It’s the family unit created by Mom, and Caitie, and I.
Not to say this is the end of the story, but it is the PRESENT. And as Caitie knows, that’s the ONLY way to live!!
So, that’s a piece of my life. Would love to hear a snippet from yours!
:)
Ann
